As I sat down to write this post and deliver my weekly helping of fantasy football savvy and insight, I realized something: I'm stuck. Staring at a blank page, I'm honestly having a difficult time thinking up a topic or theme for this week - call it Commish's-block if you will. It's something that has affected many great authors from time to time throughout history, including yours truly.
For a brief moment, I thought I'd write about the Los Perros Locos game against Golden Tate Warriors. But I decided it wouldn't be worth the time to reiterate the fact that the Warriors were a 12-point favorite with a 39-point advantage after the Sunday afternoon NFL games were done. I mean, everyone already knows that and there's no point rehashing old news.
And if I'm not going to write about that, then I certainly won't bring up Derrick Henry's 40-point game on Sunday night that single-handedly erased the Warriors lead. Apparently I'm not the only one that doesn't feel the need to write about it. The weekly recap from the Warriors was just two words - not even a complete sentence.
"KING HENRY" - Golden Tate Warriors
Like the Warriors in that contest, Reek Squad looked like they had a victory in hand against MaxxCasualties, leading by 11 points with Tyreek Hill still to play. But struggling to find my inspiration, I didn't think I should bother writing about Tony Pollard's best game of the season - 18 pts - and how it was enough to overcome Hill and Reek Squad even with over half of the Casualties starters scoring 5 points or less.
I could write about Blue Ribbon scoring just 86 points last week yet somehow that was still enough to blow out their opponent, Consolation Kings. But why bother. You don't need me to tell you that, in a week where Ribbon was most vulnerable, Breece Hall, Deebo, and Hunter Henry couldn't even muster 10 points combined. Besides, if you really wanted to know more about this matchup, you can just read Blue Ribbons' recap for yourself. Consequently, their recap also happens to be further proof that we're still safe from the robots as long as people don't even bother to get the prompt right.
Wait, I know. Maybe I'll write about 0-4 Do Not Panic missing an opportunity to notch their first win of the season against Pork Chop Express but fell short with Dontayvion Wicks' 20 points sitting on their bench? Or - staying with that theme and matchup - that it appears the Chops are determined to win that Highest Scoring Bench Player prize as evidenced by their benching of Baker Mayfield and his 33 points, which was only 2 points shy of his 35 points in week 1 where they currently hold the prize lead.
That Badazz Bri scored just 63 points last week, continuing their steep rate of decline since beginning the season with 135 points, is another storyline I considered writing about. However, when I looked back through my messages, I had trouble reading what Bri had written me in response to being asked about their struggles since starting the season strong. So I passed on it.
"Furst [sic] off, **** those ******* *************! And 2ndlee [sic], we **** or ******* **** and will ******* **** Jason. *******, OK? That ******* ****** **** *** *****. I love this league!" - Badazz Bri
Then I thought maybe I'll write about something more dramatic, like the fact that authorities have confirmed Deez Nuts were at the scene when a hit took place on a Mexican beach shortly after their loss to Tallahassee Tator Tots. The whole story seems pretty suspect to me. So many questions.
Was it a cartel or a Cardenas that ordered the hit? What is the victim's relationship to the Tots? Since I don't want to find out if it's the new format for our Survivor Challenge, I think I'll just skip writing about it.
As you can see from above, my struggle is real. So, enjoy this post about nothing and wish me better luck next week. Hopefully I'll have more to write about.
Good luck in week 5.
Commish
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
The top 5 in our contest remain unchanged and most of the bottom-feeders continue to sink. However, keep your eye on the middle of the group - specifically Cerebral Ballsy and Fat Cats. Both saw quality performances from their roster last week vaulting them 3 spots each and into the top 10.
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
The king has fallen. With just 63 points last week, the Consolation Kings become the latest victim in our Survivor Challenge. The Pork Chop Express, on the other hand, appear to have a healthy head of steam and earned immunity in week 5.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CONTEST
Wait, the king isn't dead?!? Nope. The Consolation Kings remain atop the Pick'Em standings and they've even opened up their lead to 3 games. Previous challengers, Golden Tate and Reek Squad, fell allowing a new group to enter the court: Tator Tots, Chops, and You - no, not you, You.
POWER RANKINGS
It shouldn't surprise you that the only undefeated team in the league, Blue Ribbon, remains in the #1 spot. But the rapid rise of Rogues, Casualties, and Fat Cats wasn't expected.
COMMISH'S PICKS
I see what you guys are doing and I think it's cute. While I may have called the over/under last week, I missed my One To Watch pick resulting in another split week.
ONE TO WATCH
Consolation Kings -vs- Fat Cats
LINE: Consolation Kings -8
I've been asking for weeks: when are the Cats going to give Sam Darnold a chance? Well, it appears they've finally reached that point - even if it's because he's their only choice this week. The Fat Cats will play host to division rival and co-leader, Consolation Kings at The Litter Box in what should be a good game. After a season-low 63 points last week, I expect the Kings will bounce back and put up a fight. But if you've been following the Kings this season, you know their idea of a "fight" isn't much more than a gentlemen's quarrel. To date, they're one of the lowest scoring teams in the league (82.0 ppg) with their worst games coming on the road (75.0 ppg). The Cats, on the other hand, are the highest scoring team in the league, averaging 107.25 ppg. But before you throw good money down on those felines, you should know they're without several of their stars this week: Hurts, LaPorta, and Dobbins. The Kings might keep it close, but cats always land on their feet.
COMMISH'S PICK: Fat Cats
ONE TO FORGET
Deez Nuts -vs- Reek Squad
LINE: Deez Nuts -12
Sticking with the Cactus West division, Reek Squad will invite Deez Nuts into the Stank Tank this week. And since these two found a clever way to force me to write a sentence such as that, I'm going to fire back and advise you to go pull weeds during this contest. As much as I'd like to say it'll be close, it won't. And that's not because I think Nuts is going to light up the scoreboard this week - they'll be lucky to top 100. It's really because Reek Squad has a tough week ahead. All but two of Reek's starters are on the road which spells trouble because, as you already know, their players tend to score 29.4% fewer points when they're away from home. Maybe I made that statistic up, maybe I didn't. If you want another data point that may or may not be factual, look at their QBs history. In the past four weeks, Dalton has never scored more than 19 points three times in a row. These facts and others that I found on the internet lead me to believe Reek will need some smelling salts when this game is over. Plus, I don't wanna end up like that guy on the beach.
COMMISH'S PICK: Deez Nuts
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