I didn't choose the title for this article because it relates to the show in some way. I chose it because the words themselves seem fairly descriptive of what I see happening. Note: If you've never watched that show, you need to. Danny McBride is brilliant - as always - and the comedy writing is top notch.
Before the NFL season started, most people probably ranked the AFC and NFC West as the toughest divisions in football. Teams like the Chiefs, Broncos, Chargers, 49ers, Cardinals, and Rams were among the favorites to make the playoffs, and possibly even the Super Bowl.
However, three weeks into the season and they all look like they have a variety of problems to work through.
In my opinion - which should be accepted as fact - the teams that look like they're the dominant forces in the NFL are mostly from the east coast. After what we saw in week 3, does anyone want to make the argument that the Eagles and Dolphins aren't out to prove something? And even though the Bills lost, do you really want to face them? How about the Ravens and Lamar Jackson? No thanks.
Similar might be said for the Sagebrush Cactus league.
With Chief Sticky Balls falling this week, the two remaining undefeated teams in the league, NH Bounty Hunters and Thundabuddies, both reign from the New England area.
And in case you were thinking it's a fluke that they're still undefeated, you should note that they are both among the league leaders in scoring and each owns a Power Score over 140. They're wicked good and you should probably circle their week 7 contest on your calendar.
Normally when you're the highest scoring team in the league after three weeks, you'd expect to be 3-0. Maybe even 2-1. But if you're the Golden Tate Warriors, you've gotta be scratching your head and wondering who the heck selected your schedule. Note: You did.
That's right, folks, the Warriors are averaging a league best 122 pts/gm and they're sitting at .333. If I were them, I probably wouldn't worry too much. As long as they continue to put up solid numbers each week, the wins will come. Right? Right?!
Jergoff Passout and Baby Got Dak are a pair of teams that have shown some signs of life this season and, depending on the week, could present problems for their division rivals. One week they're up, the next, they're down. If either are able to figure out how to get off the roller coaster, they could very well be looking at a playoff berth.
I'd also like to take a minute to welcome Badazz Bri and Do Not Panic to the league this season. After losing their first 2 contests, both teams looked like they were headed for a long and miserable season. But each came away from the weekend with their first win and they did so against quality opponents: Chief Sticky Balls and Golden Tate Warriors.
That leaves us with only one winless team...across both leagues: Los Perros Locos. Obviously, beginning the season 0-3 is terrible, but there's more. This team just cannot score. Through three weeks, they've scored a total of 209 points for a weekly average of just 69.7 pts/gm. Talk about being down...
A wake will be held for the Perros on Wednesday, followed by a candlelight vigil and funeral services this weekend. In lieu of flowers, the Perros have asked for points.
For those wondering, that isn't the worst 3-week start to a season. That honor belongs to Meier's' Mayhem in 2012. They scored an average of only 62.7 pts/gm through the first 3 weeks and finished the year at 5-8.
If the Perros are going to right their ship, they might want to study up on the 2017 Kirk's Cousins team that averaged only 66.7 pts/gm through the first 3 weeks. While that's good for the second lowest 3-game point total to start a season, Cousins somehow managed to finish the year at 8-5 before being eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. Yes, you read that right. They actually made the playoffs despite one of the worst starts in league history.
Over in SCL Segundo, the Tallaassee [SIC] Tator Tots are proving that even if you can't win a Spelling Bee, you can still win in fantasy football. Led by east coast talent like Lamar Jackson and rookie Chris Olave from down south, the Tots managed to defeat the #1 team in their league, The Real Slim Brady. That's no small potato.
And while the Tots look like the team to beat in the Yucca division, there's little doubt that We're on to Cleveland! is their Cholla counterpart.
Through the first three weeks of the season, Cleveland! is proving to be one of the best teams in the Cholla division, totaling 359 points (119.7 pts/gm) of offense. I can tell you that after watching them show no mercy to their own flesh and blood in week 3, this is not a team that I would want to see on my upcoming game schedule. I'm not sure what's in Cleveland, but they certainly look like they're on their way.
If you're looking for a dark horse in Segundo, TJONES35 should be at the top of your list. All-caps-all-the-time began the season with 121 points in week 1 and they've increased their output each week, scoring a league best 146 points in week 3. TJONES leads the entire Segundo field with 403 points of offensive output and they're averaging 134.3 pts/gm. Not too shabby for a team that received a D- on their draft report card.
Shiva Kaminis and Keenan and Kel-ce are two teams that have found themselves on the wrong trend line. Both came out of the gate with a victory in week 1, scoring 126 and 145 respectively, and looked like they were beginning their season on the right note. But each week since, they've seen their production dip and they now find themselves at 1-2.
And finally, now that things have begun to settle down in my schedule, I plan on devoting some time to add a page to the website showing the weekly prize winners for Highest Score, High Score in a Loss, and Lowest Score in a Win. Frankly, I'm a little surprised no one has mentioned or asked about this yet.
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
Two straight losses are frustrating enough. But when you score only 72 points in week 3, you're also looking at being eliminated from the Survivor Challenge, as was the case this week for Who Is You.
Not only did BattleBornKid suffer a 65-point loss this week, but their meager 81 points of offense also saw them bow out of this contest.
The top two scoring teams, Golden Tate Warriors (124 pts) and TJONES35 (146 pts) each earned themselves immunity for week 4.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CHALLENGE
With 9 correct picks in week 3, We're on to Cleveland! was able to hold onto a 1-game lead over the group. But, there's a lot of competition bubbling up as contestants like Jalenhouse Rock, Who Is You, and Golden Tate Warriors gained ground on the leader.
Keenan and Kel-ce and THE Ohio State Gunkeyes were both roughed up with their picks this week and saw their entries fall in the standings, 8 spots and 6 spots respectively.
But no one had a rougher week than Shiva Kaminis who fell 17 spots because they didn't complete any of their picks. With 14 weeks left, they'll need to be at the top of their game to make up the ground they lost.
ELIMINATOR CHALLENGE
Well, that didn't last long. The Chiefs and Chargers losses this week eliminated 3 of 4 remaining contestants: Badazz Bri, Chubby Chase, and Pork Chop Express. That means the NH Bounty Hunters are the Eliminator Challenge winner and proud recipient of a shiny new $250 bill. I hope that even though the contest is over, the Hunters will continue to make picks and see how far they can take it.
Here's a little known fact that some of you may find intriguing: the Hunters are the team that originally brought the idea of adding this contest to the league. Coincidence or conspiracy?
COMMISH'S PICKS
Another ho-hum week with my Commish's Picks. I finished 2-4 in the Sagebrush Cactus league and 3-3 in SCL Segundo. Your inconsistency is proving difficult to predict.
Good luck in week 4!
-- Commish
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