Feature Presentation
- Commish
- Dec 11, 2024
- 11 min read
Updated: Dec 18, 2024
The moment you've all been waiting for is finally upon us. Over the past several months you've been researching, scheming, and fretting over every lineup decision and waiver wire claim in your effort to reach the promised land: the playoffs. For those of you that survived the regular season, there are no more mulligans. Win and you'll continue your march toward glory - lose and join the rest of those broken-spirited teams that came up short in their quest for league supremacy.
I'll keep this post brief because I know what you all really want: to know who will win this week's playoff contests. Don't worry, there's plenty to come further down the page.
For those that didn't make it to the playoffs, I encourage you to keep fighting the good fight - there's still prize money to be claimed in the Consolation Bracket and our other contests. Plus, there's always next season and managing your roster carefully through these final weeks could set you up for success.
Finally, I'm eager to learn what your thoughts are about this new league format. This league has always been a work in progress and we're constantly looking for ways to improve. I'll be putting together a survey that I'll share with you later and - I can't believe I'm saying this - I want to know your thoughts: what went right, what went wrong, and what can we do to make the experience better.
Best of luck in the postseason!
Commish
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
I heard a rumor Golden Tate called into the offices yesterday morning excited about "[winning] the Golden Ticket Challenge by only 1 point!" I hate to break it to you Tate, there's still 3 weeks left and Baby Got Dak and Reek Squad have their sights set on you.
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
Perhaps the Warriors were confusing the contests since they did, in fact, win the Survivor Challenge by outlasting Who Is You in the final round. Congratulations.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CONTEST
The Tator Tots maintain their lead, though they did lose a little ground. Deez Nuts finished with a league-best 11 correct picks to close to within 2 games of the Tots. And don't forget, the stench still lingers with Reek Squad just 5 games out and looking to finish strong in the remaining weeks.
POWER RANKINGS
The Golden Tate Warriors remain the top team in the league but look out for the Fat Cats who jumped 2 spots this week and are closing in on the Warriors. Another team heating up at the right time is Pork Chop Express who jumped 3 spots to #7 as they begin their defense of the crown.
COMMISH'S PICKS
While Snap has done a pretty good job of giving us game previews over the past few weeks, this is now playoff football - I'll take it from here.
Badazz Bri vs Blue Ribbon
Well, well, well. If it isn’t Badazz Bri vs. Blue Ribbon in a dead-even 98-point slugfest at Six-Pack Park. It’s like two toddlers fighting over the last lollipop - except these toddlers have fantasy rosters, questionable decisions, and a whole lot of desperation. These two faced off in Week 9, where Blue Ribbon emerged victorious by 17 points. Who will stumble their way into the next round? Let’s dive into the glorious mess.
Badazz Bri is rolling with Josh Allen against Detroit. Projected for 23 points, Allen has the skills, the arm, and the reckless abandon of a bull in a china shop. The Lions’ defense has been tighter than a jar lid you can’t open, but Allen could still drop bombs - or interceptions. Either way, Bri’s fantasy hopes hinge on Allen channeling his inner gunslinger in what could be a high-scoring shoot-out.
Meanwhile, Blue Ribbon counters with Will Levis against the Bengals. Levis is a gamble wrapped in a mystery, stuffed inside a quarterback who loves throwing deep bombs but not necessarily completing them. He’s projected for 17 points, but let’s be real: this could be 25 points or 5. Ribbon is betting on Levis to not implode. Bold move, Cotton.
Unless Josh Allen decides to turn the ball over like Bri trading away a stud RB, I give Bri the edge.
In the running back battle Bri will lean on Isiah Pacheco, Najee Harris, and Brian Robinson Jr. Pacheco faces the Browns, and while he runs with the fury of someone who just missed a flight, Cleveland’s defense is no joke. Harris against Philly? Good luck. The Eagles’ front line treats running backs like speed bumps. Robinson has a chance against New Orleans, but that Saints defense is as stubborn as Bri’s refusal to change his strategy.
Over on the Blue Ribbon side of the ball, David Montgomery against Buffalo is like a reliable old lawnmower - chugging along and guaranteed to get the job done. De’Von Achane has a juicy matchup with the Texans and if he finds a gap, he’s off to the races faster than Bri’s hopes can fade. And then there’s Saquon Barkley - need I say more?
The receiving corps are where things get painfully average in this contest. Badazz Bri trots out Ray-Ray McCloud III and Calvin Ridley. McCloud has as much fantasy relevance as a third-string water boy, and Ridley against the Raiders should be better… but probably won’t.
Blue Ribbon fields Ladd McConkey and George Pickens, both questionable, both risky, both the equivalent of flipping a coin and hoping it lands on its edge. If either one of these guys sneezes wrong, Blue Ribbon is in trouble.
If there’s one player who could swing this whole matchup, it’s Achane. If Achane hits his stride, he could blow past his 14-point projection and leave Badazz Bri in the dust. Or he could struggle if the game script goes pass-heavy and leave Blue Ribbon with a giant goose egg. Ah, the beauty of fantasy football.
Commish's Pick:
This matchup is tighter than Bri’s grip on his fantasy ego. It could go either way, but with Josh Allen likely putting the team on his back and De’Von Achane being the wildcard, it’s anyone’s guess. That said, I’ll give a reluctant nod to Blue Ribbon because Achane might be the spark that lights this whole thing on fire. Final Prediction: Blue Ribbon 112, Badazz Bri 111. Prepare for heartbreak, Bri. You’re gonna need a new trophy case for all those almosts.
Los Perros Locos vs Who Is You
Ladies, gents, and fantasy masochists, welcome to the first round of the playoffs where it's Perros versus pronouns. The Los Perros Locos will head into What Are I Field to take on Who Is You (9-5) in a battle that’s sure to leave one team heartbroken and the other marginally less disappointed. These two have danced twice before this season, splitting victories by a hair’s breadth. Now, they meet once again, both believing they’re destined for Sagebrush Cactus glory. Spoiler alert: One of them is delusional.
Let’s get into the nitty-gritty, the hopeful projections, and the inevitable despair. Shall we?
First up, the QB Duel: Stroud vs. Murray. C.J. Stroud has been less than billed for LPL this year, but this week he faces the Miami Dolphins, a team that might actually make them wish they'd gone with their second option. Stroud is projected for 17 points, but let’s be honest – if he cracks double digits against the Dolphins' defense, that’s worth a standing ovation.
Meanwhile, You’s Kyler Murray is up against the Patriots. The Patriots’ defense is like a broken Roomba: confusing, ineffective, but occasionally they accidentally get the job done. Murray’s 22-point projection looks… ambitious. But hey, Kyler lives for chaos. I'll give a slight edge to Murray, assuming he doesn’t spend half the game scampering backward like he’s avoiding a bee.
Let’s talk Derrick Henry. King Henry. The Big Dog. Facing the Giants’ defense this week?Projected for 22 points, Henry probably won't struggle to bulldoze through a defensive line that wakes up every morning and chooses underwhelming.
On the other side, You has Jahmyr Gibbs against Buffalo and Rhamondre Stevenson against Arizona. Gibbs has the speed and talent to rack up points, but let’s not forget the Lions’ love for giving David Montgomery the ball at the 1-yard line, just to watch fantasy managers cry. Stevenson, meanwhile, is as reliable as a car that only starts on Tuesdays. Advantage: Call it a wash, because inconsistency is the theme here.
The Perros' DK Metcalf is up against Green Bay, and he hasn't been too hot lately. Nick Westbrook-Ikhine is also in the mix for the dogs, because nothing says “playoff caliber” like rolling out a guy who averages 7 points and whose last name sounds like a rejected IKEA product.
Who Is You counters with Brian Thomas Jr. and Jaylen Waddle. Thomas gets the Jets, and while he’s shown flashes of brilliance, that matchup is a tough ask. Waddle, meanwhile, is stuck in Tyreek Hill’s shadow, where receptions go to die. But hey, maybe this is the week he finally waltzes into relevance. The edge goes to You, mostly because Metcalf might mistake Lambeau Field for a tundra track meet and forget to catch anything.
The one unpredictable spark that might turn this playoff tilt on its head? Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you: Trey McBride. Facing the Patriots, McBride is projected for 9 points. But with Murray throwing short, panicked passes to avoid sacks, McBride could easily become the safety blanket that pushes Who Is You over the top. If McBride explodes for double his projection - which I think is possible - You can sit back and toast to a semifinal berth. If not, well… there’s always the offseason.
Commish's Pick:
This matchup is tighter than your waistband after Thanksgiving dinner. Los Perros Locos need a miracle (and probably several suspicious referee calls) to pull this off. Meanwhile, Who Is You has just enough talent and inconsistency to squeak by – unless their players just don't show up. But given their past matchups, my money points to Who Is You pulling off a narrow victory, breaking the hearts of every Perro and leaving them howling at the moon. Final Prediction: WIY 120, LPL 120 - You wins the tie-breaker. Bring tissues.
MaxxCasualties vs Golden Tate Warriors
Ah, here we are. MaxxCasualties and Golden Tate Warriors squaring off in a playoff battle that’s shaping up like a high-stakes poker game with the blinds way too high. Golden Tate Warriors walk into this contest with a projected 15-point cushion, but if there's one thing the SCL teaches us, it’s that projections are as reliable as a weather forecast in the desert.
MaxxCasualties are in their comfort zone as underdogs and want to play spoiler, while Golden Tate Warriors are looking to prove that their shiny, golden name isn’t just for show.
On paper, Patrick Mahomes for MaxxCasualties should be the ace in the deck, projected for 22 points on the road against Cleveland. But let's face it: Mahomes this season has seemed mortal. The Browns’ defense could turn Mahomes’ usual fireworks display into a wet sparkler show. If he turns the ball over one too many times, the Casualties could be in trouble.
Meanwhile, Golden Tate Warriors roll with Lamar Jackson over Herbert - shocker! Projected to score 27 points, Lamar could torch the Giants' defense like a flamethrower on a field of dry tumbleweeds. If Jackson goes full MVP mode, MaxxCasualties are going to be waving the white flag by halftime.
For MaxxCasualties, the running back room features James Cook and Tony Pollard, with a side order of “I can’t believe he’s starting” Isaac Guerendo. Cook has a favorable matchup against Detroit, but Pollard has been the fantasy equivalent of chewing gum you stepped on - sticky and disappointing. And let’s not even talk about Guerendo; that foot will be a problem.
The Golden Tate Warriors' Alvin Kamara against Washington could be a points bonanza. Maybe not. The Commanders’ defense is inconsistent but occasionally they'll let opposing backs run through them like a Taco Bell bean burrito. Hubbard has a tougher matchup against the Cowboys, but hey, the guy’s reliable, unlike half of MaxxCasualties’ lineup. I like the Warriors running game a little better because starting a “Guerendo” in the playoffs is a cry for help.
The wide receiver woes and wonders are where things get spicy. MaxxCasualties line up Zay Flowers and Davante Adams. Flowers has a date with the Giants, and while he’s fast, he’s also been as inconsistent, scoring less than 10 points in 8 of 13 games. Davante Adams, on the other hand, is a force - until you remember his quarterback situation is a model of mediocrity.
The Warriors will deploy a deadly duo of Cooper Kupp and Ja’Marr Chase. Kupp against the 49ers and Chase against the Titans? These two could rack up points against the stingiest of defenses. If Kupp decides to remember he’s a superstar and Chase doesn’t get swallowed by the Titans’ defense, it’s game over.
The TE position is where this game could be decided and if there’s one player who could single-handedly flip the script, it’s George Kittle. The #1 PRK TE is facing the Rams, who’ve been about as effective as a waterproof towel. Kittle could drop a 25-point bomb out of nowhere and if he does, the Casualties will be left picking up the bodies.
Commish's Pick:
With Lamar Jackson dishing to talent like Kamara, Kupp, and Chase, plus the potential for Kittle to blow up, the Warriors seem poised to continue their march toward glory. MaxxCasualties will need Mahomes to be superhuman and their ragtag band of backs to suddenly become world-beaters. Possible? Sure. Likely? As likely as 49ers RB staying healthy. Final Prediction: Golden Tate Warriors 142, MaxxCasualties 97. Pack your bags, Maxx. The end of the road is near.
Pork Chop Express vs Fat Cats
Two teams, Pork Chop Express and Fat Cats, both boasting an 8-6 record, are poised to slug it out like two heavyweights with one good punch left between them. It’s a clash of desperation, determination, and probably a good deal of questionable decisions in The Litter Box this weekend. The Fat Cats enter with a slight 5-point projected advantage, but when has a projected edge in the SCL ever stopped someone from snatching defeat from the jaws of victory? The Commish sees everything, and what I see here is a matchup primed for blunders, brilliance, and boneheaded plays. Let’s break it down.
This playoff contest boasts one of the best QB matchups this week. For the Chops, we have Baker Mayfield facing the Chargers. Look, Baker’s been better than a dented can of soup this season, and if he can dodge the Chargers’ sacks and avoid his the “oops” interceptions he's been throwing lately, he could keep his team in this game.
On the other side, Fat Cats trot out Jalen Hurts against a Steelers defense that has allowed the fewest points to QBs. Hurts is the kind of dual-threat QB that could live up to a 22-point projection, but I have some doubts. If Hurts can run wild and toss a few touchdowns, the Fat Cats might have the advantage.
If you ask me, the running game is the core for both teams. Pork Chop Express brings out Josh Jacobs and Kyren Williams - the #3 and #6 RBs. Jacobs against the Seahawks is a solid play, and he’s been as reliable as 15 Badazz Bri f-bombs in the chat. Then there’s Williams against the 49ers, which could go one of two ways: He either runs into a brick wall or he explodes for 30 like he did when he played them in week 3.
Fat Cats counters with Chase Brown and James Conner. Brown against the Titans is a purrfect matchup that should yeild a nice payoff. Meanwhile, Conner versus the Patriots has “sleeper hit” written all over it. Oh, and don't forget about Rico Dowdle facing the 32nd ranked defense against RBs - probably a few points there too. With matchups like those, I give the edge to Fat Cats. Jacobs and Williams need to overachieve, and we know that doesn't always work out in the playoffs.
Pork Chop Express has Mike Evans, Jordan Addison, and Rome Odunze. Evans against the Chargers is a matchup that could pop off - if Mayfield doesn’t implode. Addison against the Bears is solid, but Odunze? Let’s be real: He’s a Hail Mary play in a game that’s already a coin flip. And Addison is another wildcard that finishes with 20 or 2.
Meanwhile, Fat Cats boast Nico Collins and Terry McLaurin. Collins versus the Dolphins is a tough matchup that could be fireworks or a fizzle, depending on the Texans’ passing game. And McLaurin against the Saints? Seems like a good play to me and it's the reason I'd give them a whisker's edge in the WR department.
For the past few seasons, it’s been the Travis Kelce show for Pork Chop Express. But he hasn't been the same this season - something's off. Projected for 10 points against the Browns, he’s the type of player that can make or break a playoff run. Meanwhile, the Fat Cats counter with Tucker Kraft. Kraft could surprise, but let’s be honest: Kelce is the safer bet. Unless he’s distracted by the Swifties.
Commish's Pick:
The Fat Cats have just enough consistency to scrape by, while Pork Chop Express is rolling the dice and praying for snake eyes. If Evans doesn’t go nuclear and Jalen Hurts does his thing, the Fat Cats will claw their way to the next round, 135 to 126.
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