Did I intend to do that? You're damn right I did.
After 170 blog posts, I think I've finally written enough to assert poetic license. And, frankly, I couldn't think of a word that describes my feelings of disappointment in some of you while being impressed by others. So I took the liberty of creating one: disimpressipointed.
Also, for you SEO gurus out there, using it in the title guarantees that this post will be the first result if anyone ever Googles the term.
It shouldn't really surprise many to find Pork Chop Express on the list of teams that have impressed me through the first 2 weeks of the season. The Chops came out of the draft with a quality roster that was good enough to earn them a B+ on their report card and, after this week, it was clear they deserved it.
Led by their all-star duo of Mahomes and Kelce, as well as newly-acquired Kyren Williams, they proved that they can defeat quality teams even when stars like Breece Hall and Calvin Ridley are nowhere to be found. About the only weakness I can see on this team is...well, um...their, uh...
The only real concern for the Pork Chops will be avoiding a repeat of their 4-game losing streak during the thick of the NFL bye weeks last season that took them out of playoff contention.
Although they may not actually have Dak, Baby Got Dak appears to have found a recipe for defending their 2022 title. Through 2 weeks, they're the 2nd highest scoring team in the league with tallies of 102 and 136. With scores coming in lower this season than in the past, that level of production will probably win you more games than not.
Led by a trio of blue-collar RBs that have each individually reached double-digits both weeks, Dak is proving that they don't need Tua to be an elite QB. And if, by some chance, you manage to shut down their running game, they have a pretty competent receiving corps in Garret Wilson, Keenan Allen, and TE, TJ Hockenson.
If you're thinking Dak might be slowed down by potential injuries at some point this season, don't. Their bench is full of decent talent that is ready to step in and assume the starting role at a moment's notice. In fact, Dak's bench alone outscored their opponent this week.
With 10 of 12 teams in the Segundo League sitting at 1-1, looking for the success stories becomes a little more challenging.
Obviously, as the only remaining unbeaten team, Shiva Kaminis deserves a nod. However, I'm a little hesitant to get too excited about what I've seen so far. They may very well be for real, but I'd like to see some more of their work.
Through the first 2 weeks, Kaminis as scored 90 and 104 for an average of 97.0 pts/gm. That's been enough to earn them victories so far, but they'll certainly need to improve as the season progresses. For comparison sake, through the first 2 weeks last season, Kaminis averaged 117.5 pts/gm - 20 pt/gm more than this team - and still failed to reach the playoffs.
Another team that has impressed me so far this season is Jalenhouse Rock. So far this season, Rock is proving they can put up points and you're going to need to score in the 130-point category to beat them, as the Gunkeyes did last week.
While that might happen on occasion, I don't think it will be the norm. More often than not, they'll come out on top unless...they have injury problems. Though that's the case with most teams, Rock's bench appears thin if you ask me. If they stay healthy, they should do well.
Two other teams that look like they could cause some trouble this season are the Disgruntled Runningbacks and TJONES35. Both teams are averaging 120.5 pts/gm this season which is good for 2nd best in the Segundo League.
The thing that piques my curiosity about the Runningbacks is the fact that I believe they're capable of more. Justin Fields hasn't looked as expected, Ekeler is hurt, Waddle could do more, and they don't really have a defense. But give it to them...the rest of their roster is finding ways to win.
If you really consider it, TJONES 35 SHOULD PROBABLY - sorry - be 2-0 right now. They posted 135 points last week in a tough loss. That's not going to happen very often.
It's easy to look and see Mahomes at the top of their roster and assume he's been the key to their success. But look deeper and you'll see that the Cowboys D/ST is more likely the at the core of their winning...along with Mahomes, Walker III, and Lamb of course. Whew...QB, RB, WR, D/ST...this team has it all.
But for all those teams that have impressed me so far, there are a few that have disappointed me...and I'm worried for them.
First up: Ridley's Parlays.
The Parlays are the only team in the Segundo League that has not reached 100 points in a game yet. And that little fact has them ranked as the lowest scoring team in the league.
Sure, they have Danny Dimes leading their club, but Barkley just went down with an injury that we know very little about. If you listen to the talking heads, you'll hear 50 different opinions...some think he'll just miss this week, some think he'll miss several.
Even though we're talking about the Giants, I'm not going to point out how terrible their D/ST has been. Nope, not gonna do it. You already know they've netted -3 points in 2 games this season so I'm not bringing it up.
It may be a few weeks before the Parlays can turn things around. I'm sure they'll do better once they get Kupp in their lineup and Barkley healthy again. But in the meantime, they'll need to be creative, take advantage of every opportunity and cobble something together to get them a win or two.
In the Sagebrush Cactus League, I'll give a concerned glance to Digg-A-Watts and NH Bounty Hunters. Neither team is scoring well to begin the season but, there's a decent amount of talent on both rosters and I'm hopeful they'll turn things around before they find themselves out of the playoff race.
I agree with their brand, but Do Not Panic's loss of Nick Chubb for the season should, at least, have them troubled. While they do have Swift as an instant replacement, I have my doubts over the long-haul.
And even if Swift stays healthy and produces, what will they do with Mattison? So far, even his doubters are shocked at how terrible his season has begun.
If we're talking about teams in the doghouse, there might not be one in a worse position than the Los Perros Locos. Like Panic, they're winless this season but the bigger problem is that they've shown no interest in scoring, averaging just 81.5 pts/gm.
To make matters worse, Ekeler's injury appears more significant than originally thought as does Burrow's calf problem. As of right now, there's no real answer as to whether they'll play this week or if they'll sit out for a few weeks.
A lot of teams prepare for injuries like these. Not the Perros. They have a bunch of unproven young talent that isn't worthy of a start in the deepest of leagues.
Whether you're in the doghouse or the penthouse, don't get too comfortable. Good teams can take a turn for the worse just as bad teams can come upon better times.
Good luck in week 3!
Commish
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
No other contest saw a shake up in the rankings quite like the Golden Ticket. And I expect that won't end soon between the player multipliers and injuries to come key players, like Nick Chubb who is featured on 4 rosters.
Baby Got Dak was able to hold on their #1 spot in the standing, though Digg-A-Watts made an incredible leap from #14 to #2 and is now only 18 points behind.
Two other teams, Burrowito Bowl and Los Perros Locos, saw double-digit improvements in the standings, moving from #17 to #7 and #20 to #10, respectively.
No other team fell more than Who Is You this week. You's roster entered the week sitting at #7, but fell to #20 after poor performances from nearly everyone.
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
Digg-A-Watts fell victim this week, in the Sagebrush Cactus League, and was eliminated with a 71-point performance. I, for one, think this will be their lowest score of the year and, unfortunately, it just came at a bad time.
In the Segundo League this week, MaxxCasualties notched only 68 points in their crushing loss and, as a result, have been voted off the island.
Immunity for week 3 was awarded to Who Is You (152 pts) and the Tallaassee Tator Tots (137 pts)...not that they'll need it.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CONTEST
We have a new leader after last week, Jalenhouse Rock. Rock finished with 12 correct picks, outdoing Consolation Kings, Badazz Bri, MaxxCasualties, and Baby Got Dak who all finished with 11 correct picks.
There were a slew of others who finished with 10 wins, keeping themselves within reach of the contest lead.
ELIMINATOR CHALLENGE
Two more teams, Pork Chop Express and Disgruntled Runningbacks, fell this week when the Lions failed to secure a win against the Seahawks. But it could've been worse.
Badazz Bri, Baby Got Dak, and Los Perros Locos all selected the NY Giants over the Cardinals, and I'm sure by halftime of that game they were already assuming they were going to be eliminated. However, a complete collapse of the Cardinals during the second half allowed all 3 to remain another week.
COMMISH'S PICKS
And like that I'm right back in this thing with a 4-2 record in the Sagebrush Cactus League and a 5-1 record in the Segundo League this week. Sadly, though, neither of my Matchup of the Week picks panned out.
POWER RANKINGS
OK, alright already...I heard you. Geez, a guy forgets to mention the Power Rankings for the first week and you guys blast him with emails and texts. Well, maybe no one did which means I'm not the only one that forgot about it.
In the Sagebrush Cactus League, the Pork Chop Express continues to roll along and appears to be living up to their preseason projections. Right behind them, at #2, is Baby Got Dak who has been scoring at a level that should take them far this season.
Who Is You and the Consolation Kings both looked good this week and saw their respective rankings improve 3 spots to #5 and #7.
The biggest winners in the Segundo Power Rankings this week were Ohio State Gunkeyes and the Tallaassee Tator Tots who rose 3 and 4 spots to #4 and #5, respectively. Another slip up by our leader, Jalenhouse Rock, and one or both of them could take over the lead soon.
The biggest fall this week saw Ridley's Parlays sink 6 spots to #11.
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