Sometimes, when you want something done right, you gotta just get out there and do it yourself. Like when you ask your kid to take out the trash and they drag the bag all the way down the driveway leaving a snail-trail of liquidized waste in their wake. Or, so I've heard.
And when I think about teams that did the heavy-lifting themselves this week, the Golden Tate Warriors come to mind.
Heading into the final week, the Warriors held a one-game lead over Chief Sticky Balls for the most coveted of fantasy prizes: a 1st round bye in the playoffs. If the Golden Tate Warriors were to lose in week 14, they would also need the Balls to lose or else there was a very good chance they would lose their #1 seed in the Sagebrush division. With the Sticky Balls taking on a Badazz Bri team that has brought new meaning to the term "bad-ass", it was all but certain the Warriors would need to win.
And win they did.
Not only did the Warriors defeat a Jergoff Passout team that scored 141 points, but they also set a personal and league-best for the highest score this season with 175 points. It's almost as if the Warriors noticed the fact that Passout score 172 points in week 13 and decided that, no matter what, they needed to top that. Leave nothing to chance. Well done.
Over on the Cactus side of the league we were treated to a photo finish for the 3rd playoff seed between Baby Got Dak and Who Is You.
Going into the weekend, Baby Got Dak held their playoff destiny in their own hands, although a little help would've been appreciated. To get into the playoffs, Dak simply had to defeat the Los Perros Locos, or see Who Is You fall to Thundabuddies.
For Who Is You, the playoff strategy was a little more complex. To get into the postseason, You needed to defeat Thundabuddies and be helped by Perros in taking down Dak.
By the time the Monday Night Football game started, things were about as clear as mud.
After Sunday's action, Baby Got Dak found themselves trailing Los Perros Locos 95-81. However, they still had Matt Stafford left to play versus James Conner for the Perros. To get into the playoffs, Dak would need Stafford to outscore Conner by 14 points - something Stafford has done in 6 of 12 weeks, if you don't count their bye weeks. A 50/50 shot.
In the other matchup, Who Is You were holding a 111-97 lead over the Buddies with only their kicker, Matt Prater, left to play versus Cooper Kupp and Tyler "I Got COVID" Higbee for the Thundabuddies. And while a 14-point lead usually feels pretty good, it offers very little comfort when you're facing the #1 WR this season. To keep their dreams alive, Who Is You would need Prater to stay within 14-points of Kupp - something Prater has done in 6 of 12 weeks, if you don't count their bye weeks. Again, a 50/50 proposal.
With every passing minute of the game between the Cards and Rams, the two SCL contests would continue to bounce back and forth. A TD by Stafford would give Dak a temporary lead only to see Conner stumble into the endzone and give the lead back to Perros. Prater would come out to kick a 50-yard FG just to turn around and see Stafford hit Kupp for another first down. I can't imagine how nerve-racking it must've been for Who Is You and Baby Got Dak - their seasons, literally, hanging in the balance with each play.
By the time it was all said and done, Stafford outscored Conner by only four points and Prater stayed within seven points of Cooper Kupp. The Los Perros Locos would go on to defeat Baby Got Dak, 121-111, and Who Is You would defeat Thundabuddies, 127-120.
Who Is You got the help they needed and they're heading to the playoffs to defend their title in one of the closest finishes I've ever seen in this league. Congrats.
As I sit back and consider Dak's loss in more detail, what perplexes me the most is the fact that Travis Kelce scored only two points. Now, sure, players have a bad week here and there, but the Chiefs put up 48 points on the Raiders and Kelce only walks away with three catches and 27 yards?! To put that into a little better context, Kelce averaged 11 pts/gm before last weekend...and Dak lost by 10. C'est la vie, I guess.
With a nod to the great Kevin Nealon, the rest of the scores from around the league last week were: 129-87, 118-72, and 105-74.
So, there you have it, ladies and gents...the 2021 Sagebrush Cactus League playoff teams: Golden Tate Warriors, Thundabuddies, Chief Sticky Balls, Pork Chop Express, Jergoff Passout, and Who Is You. Congratulations to all of you and best of luck in your chase for the crown!
As for the rest of you, pay attention to those teams...we all know you could use the help.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM
The race for the lead in this contest just grows tighter with each passing week. Badazz Bri and Chief Sticky Balls each picked up a game on our current leader, Christian McMingle, leaving Bri just a game off the lead and Sticky Balls within three. And, with a league-best 12-win week, Pork Chop Express picked up two games to close within three of McMingle. It's gonna be an interesting sprint to the finish line, folks.
COMMISH'S PICKS
I fell short. My goal was to get my record back up to .500 before the end of the regular season and I missed it by a single pick. That's OK, though. The playoffs offer a new start and I'm ready to go perfect on my picks throughout the entire bracket.
Good luck in the playoffs!
-- Commish
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