...you're out of the playoffs. That's it, there are no do-overs, mulligans, or rematches - you're packing up your things and heading home. It may sound harsh to some, but this ain't no game of patty-cake...this is the playoffs.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush and dance around before I get to the point in this post. With a chaotic NFL schedule this week, a quick turnaround into the divisional championship games, and Christmas just around the corner, there's precious little time to waste. Plus, some of you need to get out there and find the missus a nice gift before she learns you won't be bringing home the prize money this season.
If you were like me and you were looking forward to good contests this week, you were better off following the action in the Consolation Ladder. Neither one of the 1st round playoff games came close to living up to their hype.
On the Cactus side of the bracket, the Pork Chop Express came to a screeching halt when they met the defending champs, Who Is You, losing by 26 points. And the situation was even worse in the Sagebrush division where Chief Sticky Balls put the rookie, Jergoff Passout, in a timeout with a crushing 35-point victory.
When you look back on the week, it seemed to boil down to a pair of NFL games that caused so many problems for Jergoff Passout and Pork Chop Express: the Cardinals at Lions and the Saints at Buccaneers.
What looked like a promising matchup for anyone with Cardinals players in their lineup turned out to be a complete, and utter, bust. Coming off their loss to the Rams, most probably expected Kyler Murray and the Cards to put one down on the Lions and see their owners have a good week. And who could've predicted the Saints would shut down the Bucs and come away with a win despite not doing anything on the offensive side of the ball.
For Passout, Kyler's 13 points and Kamara's 3 points didn't necessarily cost them the game, but it certainly made things considerably easier for Sticky Balls. And even if Cordarelle Patterson scored anything close to his 14-point projection, they still come up short. But, there's no arguing that an extra 34 points makes their first playoff showing more respectable. In fact, it would've put them within one point of a victory.
Head on over to the Cactus matchup and you'll see where those two NFL games were the death knell for the Chops. Five, count 'em, five players on the Chops' roster were dragged down far below their expectations in those contests.
For the Chops, the Cards D/ST looked like a solid start heading into last week. After all, defensive units averaged over 16 pts/gm against the Lions through the previous six weeks. But the #5 D/ST in the league would surrender 30 to the Lions and end the week with just two points - a dozen lower than projected.
Though Taysom Hill managed to do enough for the Saints to upset the Bucs, he finished the week with just 9 points, 12 below the 23 points that were predicted for him. But, if you ask me, the real problem players for the Chops were Leonard Fournette and Mike Evans. Between the two, ESPN projections had the pair pegged at a combined 24 points but after a pair of uninspiring performances on Sunday, they would finish the week with just 8 points.
If the above listed players would have simply hit their projections, we'd be looking at a Pork Chop team that finished the week with 118 points and an invitation to the Cactus Divisional Championship game.
And credit to the two winners; Chief Sticky Balls and Who Is You. In a week where the average final score was 86.8 points, they each managed to score more than 100 points. To give you an idea of just how bad the scoring was last week, it was the lowest scoring week of the entire season; only 868 points in total.
So instead of the Pork Chop Express and Jergoff Passout progressing to the next round as I predicted - *rolls eyes* - it will be the two 2020 Divisional Champions that are moving on. Chief Sticky Balls will get ready to take on the Golden Tate Warriors for the Sagebrush Championship, and Who Is You will head down to Flash Gordon Field to battle the Thundabuddies for the Cactus title.
Let's just hope that we see more action this week than we did in the last.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM
Ladies and gents, we have a new leader in this contest. With a 13-win week, Badazz Bri overtook the previous leader, Christian McMingle, and now holds a two-game lead. Don't forget though, we still have Chief Sticky Balls sitting 3 games back as well as Who Is You and Pork Chop Express sitting at 5 games off the lead. Beyond that we have the "Hope & Pray" crowd trailing by 10 games or more.
COMMISH'S PICKS
A 2-3 record after the 1st round is not how I imagined I'd start off in the playoffs. But, now that we're back to a full slate of games, with no bye weeks, I'm confident I'll be right back on track. I can feel a 6-0 week coming soon!
Good luck this week!
-- Commish
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