I want to talk with you for a minute about Blaschko lines and, no, I haven't been drinking. Although witnessing some of the things you guys do may push me to take it up.
Blaschko lines are a real thing and I was yesterday years old when I first learned about them. Apparently, they are markings covering our bodies that represent pathways of epidermal cell migration and proliferation during the development of the fetus...blah, blah, blah.
What I found most interesting about them is the fact that everyone has them and they are virtually invisible to us until exposed under UV light. They cover our body and can look a bit like the stripes of a tiger. Furthermore, researchers believe cats are able to see them because UV light is within their visual spectrum.
WARNING: Badazz Bri, UV light is dangerous to the human body...DO NOT expose yourself to UV so you can see your Blaschko lines.
Reading about them got me thinking about the Blaschko lines in our league. What are some of the things that are happening, or have happened, in our leagues that we fail to notice until we see it in a different light or from another perspective?
For example, if you looked at the top WRs based on their average weekly score in games that they've played, Rashid Shaheed is a top-10 WR. He's number 9 to be exact.
"Wait, wut? Who?" Rashid Shaheed.
Shaheed has played in two games and has registered one reception and one carry for a total of 26 fantasy points. One reception. One carry. Twenty-six points.
That's good for an average weekly score of 13 pts/gm when he plays. Literally, every time he has touched the ball this season, he has scored a touchdown. That's gotta be a record. If anyone has the interest or time to look it up, the league would appreciate it.
Turning to some of the top teams around our leagues, the Thundabuddies, Jergoff Passout, and The Real Slim Brady are all 6-1 and currently lead their respective divisions.
While it's obvious to the casual observer that these teams have no problem putting points on the board, a deeper look reveals two of them do a great job of containing their opponents on the defensive side of the ball.
The Real Slim Brady scores an average of 129.6 pts/gm but did you realize they're also one of the toughest teams to score against? Only two teams in the SCL Segundo league allow fewer points than Brady's 109 pts/gm.
Even better are the Thundabuddies in the Sagebrush Cactus league who've allowed fewer points to opponents this season - 93.3 pts/gm - than just about anyone else.
What's that old maxim about playing defense and winning championships?
One more interesting note about Slim Brady: they're the only team across both leagues that has not scored fewer than 100 points this season.
Something I'm sure has gone unnoticed to most of you is the hair on Jergoff Passout's legs. It appears to have grown back out. Interestingly, they're off to their best start in team history, at 6-1, and we have yet to see any chat board wagers offered up. With all of that winning they're doing lately, I'm a little surprised we haven't seen something by now.
If you were to assemble a list of players that you would never consider dropping from your team, would it include Skyy Moore? It should.
On September 29th, My Chubb's Hardman released Moore back into the wild and they haven't won a game since. Before that fateful roster decision, Hardman was 2-1 and they were averaging 105.3 pts/gm. In the weeks since, they're 0-4 and their average weekly score has plummeted to 80.3 pts/gm.
And Moore's hex doesn't appear to affect just the Segundo league.
The Los Perros Locos drafted Moore but quickly cut him just before the season started. The inexplicable result of that decision was the Perros' 0-3 start to the season while averaging just 69.7 pts/gm.
"But, wait...the Perros are 3-1 since then and their average has jumped to 116.5 pts/gm. What happened that caused them to turn it around?"
Legend has it that once another team acquires Skyy Moore, the curse is lifted from his previous owner. And I, for one, believe it.
Thus, when the Pork Chop Express allowed Moore aboard their convoy, the curse was lifted from the Perros. However, when the Chops turned around and released Moore just a few days later, the curse was transferred to them.
Before they dropped Moore the Chops were 1-1, but they were averaging a very respectable 123.5 pts/gm. Since that ill-fated move, they're 2-3 and, more worrisome, their average score has fallen to 97.4 pts/gm.
My advice: if you happen to acquire Skyy Moore, do not drop him under any circumstance. Drop Austin Ekeler, drop Nick Chubb, drop Davante Adams - but DO NOT drop Moore.
Lastly, here's another Blaschko line that I bet you never noticed: this is the most important week of the season if you want to win the championship.
"What?!? That's crazy, Commish. It's only week 8."
You're right, there are still six weeks of regular season play after this one. But, let me drop some knowledge on you.
Only one team has ever won the Championship Game after losing their week 8 contest. Put another way, every single League Champion has won in week 8, except for one team. Every. Single. One.
Last year, the Golden Tate Warriors became the first team in league history to win the Championship Game despite losing in week 8. They reversed the curse and upset a 15-year streak.
Is it possible you too could defy the odds and still manage to win the title if you don't win this week? Perhaps. But I'm not sure I'd be willing to risk it if I were you. Better to just go out there and win.
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
The Golden Tate Warriors maintained their lead over the rest of the field but in losing Breece Hall for the season, they could be vulnerable. Thundabuddies, Pork Chop Express, and Tallaassee[SIC] Tator Tots are all within 100 points of the Warriors and, during the bye weeks, could make a push if their rosters continue to perform well.
Sitting just outside that group is Baby Got Dak who jumped three spots in the rankings and who's lineup is varied enough that they too could see a climb in the standings over the coming weeks.
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
For the first time this season, We're on to Cleveland! scored below 100 points in a game...and it was costly. Not only did they lose their grip on first place in the Cholla division, they were also eliminated from the Survivor Challenge.
In addition to performing worse than their 88-point game in week 6, a feeble 78 points this week also meant an exit from the Survivor Challenge for the NH Bounty Hunters.
The final immunity awards for the season go to Jergoff Passout and The Real Slim Brady, again. Yes, these two teams posted the highest scores in their respective leagues for a second straight week which begs the question: do they really need immunity?
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CHALLENGE
We're on to Cleveland! and Golden Tate Warriors held onto their lead in this challenge in spite of registering their worst weeks of the season with eight correct picks.
Just behind our leaders are Thundabuddies and Badazz Bri who each climbed one pick closer this week. With both now sitting just one and two games back, respectively, there's little room for error in the coming weeks.
The biggest loser this week was Los Perros Locos who finished with just five correct picks and fell six spots in the rankings.
WEEKLY SCORE WINNERS
Highest Score: Jergoff Passout (130) and Chubby Chase (159)
Highest Score - Loss: Who Is You (103) and Ohio State Gunkeyes (102)
Lowest Score - Win: Do Not Panic (91) and Keenan and Kel-ce (103)
COMMISH'S PICKS
In total, I'm four games below .500 for the season. The teams that seem to appreciate my efforts the most are primarily in the Segundo league.
Two teams in particular, Shiva Kaminis and The Real Slim Brady, have both spurned my divination only once this season. Thank you for playing along.
The teams that are proving to be difficult are Jalenhouse Rock and Consolation Kings who apparently think it's cute to win when I project them to lose and lose when I project them to win. Combined, I have correctly predicted their outcomes only twice. Well played.
Best of luck in week 8!
-- Commish
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