The first round of the playoffs is in the books and if you were relying on some of the league's regular season superstars to carry you forward, you're likely playing for 5th place. In typical SCL fashion a few studs showed up while most did not, and the first-round winners were primarily carried by their supporting cast members than their A-listers.
Tallying 44 points for Badazz Bri, Josh Allen proved to be one of the few reliable scorers. But for their opponent, Blue Ribbon, Saquon Barkley didn't get the memo about the importance of showing up, scoring just 7 points - his lowest of the season.
But Barkley wasn't the only top RB that was a no-show. The Los Perros Locos needed quality performances from their stars to keep up with a talented Who Is You team. Instead, like Ribbon, they saw one of the league's top RBs - Derrick Henry - also post his lowest score of the season, 7 points.
And if you thought those two performances were detrimental to their teams, consider nearly the entire Golden Tate Warriors roster. Throughout the regular season, the Warriors were the top scoring team in the league - averaging 121 pts/gm. Just look at some of the names on that roster: Chuba Hubbard, Alvin Kamara, Cooper Kupp, Ja'Marr Chase, and George Kittle. During the regular season, those players averaged nearly 73 pts/gm. But in their first round contest against MaxxCasualties, they scored just 33. And I don't need to tell you what happened.
Though those teams all experience the misfortune of coming up short last week, the only losing team I truly have pity for is Pork Chop Express. The Chops really didn't do anything wrong. They fielded a quality lineup that yielded them 151 points - a top tier score that wins any matchup in this league. Except one: against the Fat Cats who scored 167. In case you're wondering, yes, 151 points is the highest score for a losing team this season, beating out the Golden Tate Warriors who score 140 in a week 8 loss.
But enough of that, I won't waste any more time rehashing tough losses. It's time to look forward to a pair of Conference Championship games that should be fun to watch.
Good luck!
Commish
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
It took a little while, but Baby Got Dak finally regained their place at the top of the standings. I don't know how they do it, but Dak is consistently in the running for Golden Ticket title. It's just too bad that can't translate that success to the regular season.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CONTEST
The top 5 teams in the standings remain unchanged. The Tots continue to lead the field with Deez Nuts 2 games behind and Reek Squad trailing by 4. With only two weeks left, it's difficult to see anyone but those three winning this contest.
COMMISH'S PICKS
While Snap has done a pretty good job of giving us game previews over the past few weeks, this is now playoff football - I'll take it from here.
SAGEBRUSH CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Badazz Bri vs MaxxCasualties
Ladies and gents, here we are — the Sagebrush Conference Championship! The battle between Badazz Bri (BB) and MaxxCasualties (MC) feels less like a clash of titans and more like a contest to see who will screw up less. On paper, MaxxCasualties has a comfy 15-point edge, projected for 107 points to BB's 92. But we all know how trustworthy projections are in the SCL — about as reliable as Bri's sobriety. Buckle up, because this one’s going to get messy.
Badazz Bri rolls out Josh Allen against the Patriots. Allen’s projected for 27 points, and honestly, if he doesn’t deliver, BB is toast. He’s the engine, the steering wheel, and the duct-taped bumper of this team. The only thing scarier than relying on Allen is imagining BB without him. If Allen decides to throw three picks while stiff-arming linemen for fun, well… good luck.
Meanwhile, MaxxCasualties counters with Patrick Mahomes facing the Texans. Mahomes’ 18-point projection feels like a trap. The Chiefs have been weird lately — Mahomes throwing touchdowns one minute and impersonating a confused toddler the next. Oh, and he's injured. But hey, it’s Mahomes. Even on his off days, he’s still better than most QBs’ best days. I'd give the play-calling edge to Bri because desperation fuels miracles, and BB needs a miracle.
Taking the hand-offs for Bri are Isiah Pacheco and Najee Harris. Pacheco vs. the Texans? The matchup is great, but Pacheco’s output is like a teenager’s mood swings — unpredictable and irritating. And Harris facing the Ravens? Yeah, good luck with that. Harris runs like he’s towing a trailer full of bricks. If these two combine for more than 20 points, BB should throw a parade.
MaxxCasualties, on the other hand, has James Cook against New England and Tony Pollard against the Dolphins. Cook is on fire lately, and he’s probably looking at BB’s defense like it’s a buffet line. Pollard, meanwhile, has been the poster child for fantasy mediocrity, but even he should manage something against the Dolphins’ D.
With Cook cooking, and Pollard given a chance to prove himself, give the Casualties the ground advantage.
BB’s receiving corps of Ray-Ray McCloud and Calvin Ridley is… something. McCloud vs. the Giants is like betting on a coin flip while blindfolded. And Ridley vs. the Colts? Ridley’s been as consistent as a plot twist in a soap opera. Betting on these guys is like playing darts while riding a rollercoaster.
On the other side of the ball, MC’s WR duo of Zay Flowers and Davante Adams looks slightly less tragic. Flowers vs. the Steelers? He’s got speed, but who knows if Lamar Jackson will remember he exists - 5 TDs last week and 0 to Flowers?!? Adams vs. the Dolphins? Adams has talent, but his QB situation is like watching a clown car crash in slow motion. If it's anything like last week, MaxxCasualties has the clear advantage. Otherwise...
If you ask me, Kyle Pitts against the Giants is the wildcard in this contest. Pitts is the fantasy equivalent of a haunted house — lots of hype, but you’re mostly left disappointed. I have no logical reason to believe Pitts will score more than the 5 points he's projected, but my gut tells me he could have his best game of the season.
Commish's Pick:
On paper, Casualties are the better team. They should win this game and make their way to the title match. But this Badazz Bri team has done something no other has been able to do: win. Put me down for Bri, 128 to 111.
CACTUS CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Fat Cats vs Who Is You
The Cactus Conference Championship, a contest sure to be full of claws, paws and playoff flaws — where Fat Cats (FC) and Who Is You (WIY) will claw, crawl, and stumble their way toward a shot at the Sagebrush Cactus Trophy. This game is tighter than a pair of skinny jeans on Khyiris Tonga, with FC projected at 118 and WIY at 113. Will the Fat Cats pounce on their prey, or will WIY finally solve the age-old mystery of their own identity? Buckle in, because this one’s set to be a cat-and-mouse game — and neither side knows who’s the cat or the mouse.
For Fat Cats, Jalen Hurts faces the Commanders, and this matchup is practically purring with potential. Hurts has been putting up points over the past 2 weeks like they’re cans of Fancy Feast on sale, and if he doesn’t hit his 25-point projection, it’ll be a surprise worthy of a double-take from the Sphinx itself. This guy’s the feline overlord of the fantasy jungle, and his legs (and sometimes his arm) could make all the difference.
Meanwhile, WIY counters with Kyler Murray against the Panthers. Murray’s projection of 23 points might be generous, given the way he’s been scrambling around like someone who just realized they left the stove on. Will he lead WIY to glory, or just run in circles until he tires himself out? It’s a gamble, and WIY might need nine lives to survive it.
The Fat Cats’ trio of Chase Brown, James Conner, and Rico Dowdle are all set to scratch out some points. Brown’s got Cleveland, and while he’s been productive lately, this matchup feels like tossing a hairball into the wind and hoping it lands on a pillow. Conner’s matchup against the Panthers is tasty, and he proved last week that he's up to the task. Dowdle against the Bucs? Meh. If Dowdle does anything more than a gentle paw swipe in what could be a shoot-out, FC should throw a catnip party.
WIY’s running game, on the other hand, is led by Jahmyr Gibbs and Rhamondre Stevenson. Gibbs vs. the Bears should be a feast, with David Montgomery now out of the picture. Stevenson in Buffalo, on the other hand, seems the epitome of this team - will he score 21 like he did again the Jets in week 8 or go missing like he did against the Cardinals last week when he scored just 8 points? Who is he? Edge: Fat Cats.
The receiving corps for the Cats features Drake London and Nico Collins. London against the Jets with a rookie QB is about as promising as a scratched-up couch. Collins vs. the Chiefs? He might find some room to stretch out, but it’s just as likely he curls up into a fantasy nap unless Stroud can continue to find him in the endzone. These two are as reliable as a laser pointer — sometimes they chase the points, sometimes they just stare blankly.
WIY trots out Brian Thomas Jr. and DeVonta Smith. Thomas vs. the Seahawks? Potentially explosive considering what he accomplished last week against a much better secondary. Smith vs. Washington? That secondary has been more torched than a forgotten pizza, and this game should leave Smith with a big day. If these two pounce on their opportunities, we might actually find out who You is.
For all of that, though, there's always that one player that makes the difference - the one that outperforms expectations and gives his team a chance to win. In this contest, I expect that player could be Aaron Jones. Facing a Seahawks defense that has surrendered big numbers to RB's this season, Jones might be in for a big day. But it could also go the other way with the Seahawks fighting for their playoff lives.
Commish's Pick:
The Fat Cats might just have enough lives left to eke out a win here. Jalen Hurts should deliver, their ragtag RBs might bumble into success, and Drake London could find a way to shine. You, meanwhile, will be left asking the existential question they know all too well: “Who is we?” Answer: Possibly a runner-up. I'll take the kitties, 137 - 130.
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