I'm not sure if it was your fantasy prowess or dumb luck, but you guys managed to put together a pretty entertaining slate of games last week. It was sort of a proud-parent moment for me to see you guys compete so well and take most of the contests down to the wire. It was like watching your child take their first steps.
Last week, we were treated to five games decided by 4 points or less, with one of them decided by the tie-breaker. Just when you thought their season couldn't get worse, Do Not Panic lost to Badazz Bri by 0 points.
A trio of those games were decided by the late action on Monday night. The Los Perros Locos had a case of the "zoomies" after Derrick Henry gave them a 12-point lead with his TD reception. But in less time than it takes for them to bark at the doorbell, Who Is You's Kyler Murray muzzled the dogs with a 44-yard TD run that tied the game back up. From there, You's defense held on and they secured the win, 110-108.
In the Sagebrush East division, the battle between Gotham Rogues and Golden Tate Warriors lived up to the hype. The newest Warrior, Lamar Jackson, pitched his best game of the season for his new club, scoring 43 points. But the problem wasn't his scoring, it was his choice of targets for those 5 TD passes. A pair of TDs to Mark Andrews proved just enough to lift the Rogues over Warriors.
"40 points from Lamar...Is that too much to ask, oh and no points to Andrews." - Golden Tate Warriors on Monday, 10/21 at 16:30.
In a bittersweet victory, Cerebral Ballsy outlasted Blue Ribbon, 92-88, and claimed their 3rd win in as many tries. Trailing Ribbon by 26 points heading into the Monday night games, Ballsy would need to lean on the two most important positions on any fantasy football roster: D/ST and K. And the Chargers D/ST and Dicker the Kicker delivered, scoring 30 points to give them the win.
"Where's the 'bittersweet' part, Commish?"
Jayden Daniels left the game early with rib injury and his status for week 8 is up in the air. The Ballsy locker room was quieter than usual following a big win.
But all those close games aren't really surprising, they're exemplary of one mind-boggling aspect of this season: the standings. Unless you're Badazz Bri or Do Not Panic, you're either 4-3 or 3-4 this season. Nearly 90% of the league is separated by one game. For all intensive porpoises, we are back to week 2 of the season with seven left to play.
At this point, you may be wondering how many of your remaining games you'll need to win to have a solid shot at the league crown? Six? Five? All of them? What would you say if I told you the answer is one? You need to win one game to give yourself a chance at a championship.
"One?!? What? Pffftt...are you crazy?"
I might be, but I have data on my side. And league veterans already know what I'm going to say next.
If you do not win your week 8 contest, you will not win the Championship Game. Let me say it again for the folks in the back of the room: if you do not win in week 8, you will not win the title.
Over the course of the years, we've crowned 19 league champions. But among all of them, only one has ever lost their week 8 contest. Look it up if you don't believe me. In 2021, the Golden Tate Warriors became the first team to lose in week 8 and win the Championship Game. And, to this day, they're the only ones.
So yes, I mean it when I tell you you only need to win one game to have a chance at the league title - and it's this week. Win this week and you can figure out the details later. Lose and you might as well just log out.
Don't f#%k up week 8!
Commish
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
This was probably the quietest week of the season in our Golden Ticket Challenge. The top six teams remain unchanged and beyond that, there were only a handful of teams that shifted one spot.
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
Scoring just 78 points in week 7, Baby Got Dak becomes the latest member voted out of the contest. Their exit leaves us with just six teams remaining and only one more opportunity for immunity after Who Is You claims it in week 8.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM CONTEST
After leading this contest for most of the season, the Consolation Kings slipped up last week and allowed Tallahassee Tator Tots and Reek Squad to take over the top spots, pushing them down to #3.
POWER RANKINGS
Our rankings are tightening up and there's a lot less real estate between some of the top teams. The Golden Tate Warriors and Fat Cats remain atop the charts, but Who Is You was able to leap four spots, to #3, after taming the dogs. After several weeks near the top of the list in the early part of the season, Blue Ribbon and MaxxCasualties continue their descent and find themselves barely in the top 10, at #7 and #8, respectively.
COMMISH'S PICKS
Though I was 1-1 with my picks last week, a small typo on my assistant's part meant you probably watched the wrong game and skipped the one you should've seen. I'm going to take the week off and in my place I'll give you:
SNAP SUTHERLAND'S PRELIMINARY PRE-GAME SNEAK-PEEK RESEARCH PREVIEW:
Live from the Sagebrush Cactus League, it’s Snap Sutherland bringing you the low-downs on the Week 8 showdowns you don’t want to miss!
Los Perros Locos -v- Badazz Bri
We’ve got Los Perros Locos (4-3-0) barking their way into a must-win matchup against the undefeated-in-their-hearts, division-topping Badazz Bri (5-2-0). Both teams are rolling into this matchup with some firepower on the field and a few tough decisions on the bench—believe me, I overheard some nervous lineup debates, and let's just say I may or may not have been in the way of a whiteboard marker in action.
The Los Perros Locos staff is riding the cool confidence of rookie QB C.J. Stroud, who’s up against an Indianapolis defense that’s given plenty of fantasy managers headaches. "It’s just another game, man," Stroud said when asked if he was feeling the pressure—though I did see him texting his mom for good luck. Derrick Henry’s cleats, meanwhile, looked particularly sharp, and I suspect he's ready to bulldoze the Cleveland defense like a lawnmower at full throttle.
On the other sideline, Badazz Bri is feeling themselves. "This team’s built for the long haul," said Bri's head coach, polishing his "First in Sagebrush East" plaque (a little prematurely if you ask me). With Josh Allen running point and Najee Harris likely to find some gaps in New York’s run defense, Bri looks poised for another big week. But their X-factor might just be Texans D/ST—if they can force some turnovers, it’s game over. Oh, and don't forget Kyle Pitts—the hope is he finally remembers how to catch a football. Fingers crossed, folks.
Both squads have made bold lineup calls, and from what I can tell, it’s going to come down to which stars shine brighter. As the players hit the field, you can practically smell the nervous energy in the air—and maybe the pizza I accidentally stepped in during pre-game warmups.
This one’s gonna be close... but let’s just say, when a team’s logo comes with a pair of biceps and a thumbs-up emoji, it’s hard to bet against the flex.
Fat Cats -v- Tallahassee Tator Tots
It’s a cat-and-potato battle this week as the Fat Cats (3-4-0) square off against the division-leading Tallahassee Tator Tots (4-3-0) in what’s shaping up to be a showdown of strategy and stamina. The Fat Cats' coaches are rolling in with confidence, after losing two in a row, led by superstar QB Jalen Hurts, who’s looking to take flight against the Bengals. With James Conner returning to the mix and J.K. Dobbins ready to do some damage against the Saints, these Cats aren’t playing around.
Meanwhile, Coach Tait’s Tator Tots have some lineup challenges to navigate. Aaron Rodgers still carries that questionable tag, and the team may need to lean heavily on rookie RB Bijan Robinson to fry Tampa Bay’s defense. Not to mention, Marvin Harrison Jr. could be an X-factor against Miami if the ball finds its way to him often enough. “We’ve got the spuds,” Coach Tait said pre-game, “now we just need to mash.”
The Saints D/ST will be key for the Fat Cats as they aim to bottle up the Chargers, while the Jaguars D/ST on the Tator Tots’ side is set to cause trouble for the Steelers. With both teams eager to stay on top of their division races, expect a game as unpredictable as it is competitive.
Deez Nuts -v- Cerebral Ballsy
This Week 8 matchup brings a little family drama as Deez Nuts (3-4-0) go toe-to-toe with Cerebral Ballsy (3-4-0) in a contest of pride between the generations. Deez Nuts is putting their faith in Trevor Lawrence to take advantage of Green Bay’s shaky defense. “He’s overdue for a big one,” the coach told me, rubbing his hands like a coach on the verge of genius. With Austin Ekeler and Rachaad White looking to power through on the ground, Deez Nuts hopes to control the tempo and keep the chains moving.
But the young'n and his Cerebral Ballsy crew are no pushovers. They’re rolling with Jayden Daniels, who could be an unexpected spark, even if he’s still marked as questionable. “Don’t worry, he’ll be good,” they assured me with the confidence only an uncle would question. Alexander Mattison is lined up for a favorable matchup against the Chiefs, and Garrett Wilson looks ready to feast against New England’s secondary.
With bragging rights on the line, this family feud is sure to be one to remember. And you know these two will be talking about this one at every family gathering for the next year, no matter the outcome.
When it’s between family, my money’s on the one who isn’t worried about being grounded afterward.
Reek Squad -v- Blue Ribbon
The stage is set for a high-stakes battle between Reek Squad (4-3-0) and Blue Ribbon (4-3-0) as both teams look to tighten their grip on the top of their divisions. Reek's coach is counting on Jordan Love to light up Jacksonville’s defense, with CeeDee Lamb ready to bring the fireworks against San Francisco. “This team thrives under pressure,” he said, though there’s concern over Bucky Irving's injury status. If Raheem Mostert gets loose in Arizona, the Reek Squad might just live up to their name and stink up the scoreboard.
Over on Blue Ribbon’s side, they have no plans to play it safe. Anthony Richardson returns under center, and if Saquon Barkley is in prime form, it could spell trouble for Reek Squad’s defense. Meanwhile, De’Von Achane is primed for a big game in Cincinnati, and the Chiefs D/ST will aim to terrorize the Raiders’ struggling offense. “This is where champions are made,” Ribbon's coach said, with all the confidence of a man with one hand on the division crown.
With both teams at 4-3, this matchup feels like it could have playoff implications written all over it. One will take a step closer to glory, while the other will head back to the drawing board.
You know what they say—when you win a blue ribbon, you don’t need to reek of anything but success.
Baby Got Dak -v- Golden Tate Warriors
It’s a high-stakes clash in Week 8 as Baby Got Dak (3-4-0) looks to keep their playoff hopes alive against the red-hot Golden Tate Warriors (4-3-0). Dak will lean on Geno Smith, who has a tough assignment against Buffalo’s defense, but the bigger storyline might be Jonathan Taylor. Taylor has slowly worked his way back to full speed, and a breakout game against Houston could be the spark Baby Got Dak needs. Stefon Diggs returns to Houston as well, and you know he’ll be hungry to make a statement. With Tyler Lockett facing Buffalo alongside Smith, Baby Got Dak’s outcome might depend on Seattle's offensive success. However, Gabe Davis is questionable, and without him, their depth could be tested.
Meanwhile, the Golden Tate Warriors are firing on all cylinders. The coaching staff is riding Lamar Jackson, who has a juicy matchup against Cleveland, and Alvin Kamara, who could feast on the Chargers' defense. Cooper Kupp looks ready to add another big game to his resume, and George Kittle is set to take on the Bengals in what could be a high-scoring affair. The Warriors are also banking on their Vikings D/ST to shut down the Packers, which could give them a massive advantage if Jordan Love struggles.
This matchup is shaping up to be a battle of big names and even bigger plays. With both teams vying to stay in the playoff hunt, every point will matter.
When you've got Tates, you don’t need Daks to win.
Consolation Kings -v- MaxxCasualties
Both teams enter Week 8 at 3-4-0, hungry for a win that could boost them into playoff contention. The Consolation Kings coaches are looking to Joe Burrow to lead the way. Burrow faces a stiff Eagles defense, but if the Bengals’ QB can channel his elite form, it could set the tone for the Kings. Breece Hall and Joe Mixon provide a solid one-two punch, and they’ll both need to step up with Christian Watson carrying a questionable tag. The Kings are also keeping their fingers crossed that Deebo Samuel will suit up, but his health remains a question mark.
For MaxxCasualties, Kirk Cousins leads the charge with a favorable matchup against the Buccaneers. Casualties backfield relies on Tony Pollard, who could thrive against the Titans' defense, and James Cook, who hopes to run wild against the Seahawks. If Davante Adams can finally break out of his slump, MaxxCasualties will be tough to stop. And don’t sleep on the 49ers D/ST, which has a prime opportunity to rack up points against Dallas.
This game could come down to who makes the least mistakes—and who can overcome their injuries best. With the standings this tight, every win is crucial.
There are no moral victories... only Maxx casualties.
Pork Chop Express -v- Gotham Rogues
It’s a heavyweight showdown as the Pork Chop Express (4-3-0) takes on the flashy and unpredictable Gotham Rogues (4-3-0). The Pork Chops are riding the unexpected resurgence of Baker Mayfield, who draws a favorable matchup against Atlanta. Mayfield has quietly been putting up solid numbers and could make a difference here. Meanwhile, Kyren Williams and Josh Jacobs will handle the ground game, with Jacobs hoping to punch through Jacksonville’s defense. The Express also boasts the ever-reliable Travis Kelce, who’s been making defenses look silly this season.
The Gotham Rogues have the firepower to match. Even with Puka Nacua sidelined, Tyreek Hill and Amon-Ra St. Brown are poised to put on a show. And with rumors swirling about Justin Jefferson’s possible return, the Rogues are in a prime position to explode offensively. Add in the Lions D/ST, who could feast on the Raiders, and this game has all the makings of a high-scoring affair.
This one feels like a true toss-up, with both teams capable of lighting up the scoreboard. Expect plenty of jaw-dropping plays and maybe a bit of sideline trash talk.
Fast is good, but sneaky Rogues might steal the show.
Who Is You -v- Do Not Panic
It’s a tale of two very different seasons as Who Is You (4-3-0) faces off against the winless Do Not Panic (0-7-0). Who's staff is feeling good about his lineup this week, especially with Kyler Murray back and ready to take on Miami. Murray’s mobility could give the Dolphins fits, and Jahmyr Gibbs is primed for a breakout against Tennessee. Terry McLaurin also has a favorable matchup against the Bears, and Aaron Jones is expected to find his groove against the Rams.
For Do Not Panic, it’s another week of hoping and praying for that elusive first win. Brock Purdy has looked sharp, but can he hold up against Dallas’s defense? The team also needs a strong showing from Nick Chubb, who’s back in action, and Courtland Sutton to make some noise against Carolina. Coach Ben Lutz will be counting on Brock Bowers to spark some magic, while the Colts D/ST faces the Texans in what could be a winnable matchup.
If Do Not Panic can pull off the upset, it could be the feel-good story of the season. But Who Is You isn’t about to take their foot off the gas just yet.
The real question isn’t “Who is you?”—it’s “Who gets win number one?”
That’s the scoop – Snap back to you!
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