Admit it, you just sang "I rock the mic like a vandal..." in your head and now you'll be thinking about it for the rest of the day. You're welcome.
I don't know about you but, to me, it seemed like week 2 was all about the extremes. Most weeks end with a few close games and a handful of players that outperform their projections. But this week, you either did extremely well or you're already looking forward to next week.
On the positive side of things, players like Derrick Henry and Kyler Murray excelled for their owners, but they weren't alone. The list of players that did very well this week is actually quite long. With 12 players scoring 30 points or more in week 2, I won't bother naming all of them. You're welcome to visit the Scoring Leaders page on ESPN and look them up for yourself.
And while it pains me to write this, I'm contractually obligated to congratulate all of you. Of the 12 players that scored 30 or more points, none of them were on your benches. That's pretty impressive but, as they say, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. Kudos.
Individual players weren't the only ones that did extremely well this week. Just 7 days away from being the first team eliminated in the Survivor Challenge, the Los Perros Locos decided to show up and score 133 points in week 2, a 75-point improvement. For Thunda Buddies, the results were similar, scoring 42 points more than they did in week 1 and closing out with, a league-leading, 158 points in week 2.
Two teams that seem to understand how this game is played are Who Is You and Baby Got Dak. Who Is You improved to 2-0 despite scoring 58 points less than last week, but it's not about style, right? For Baby Got Dak, things just keep getting sweeter. After two weeks of play, they have the highest low-score in the league at 129 points. I know it's early, but when you're lowest score is that high, you're doing something right.
For those of you paying close attention, you've probably notice by now that I'm over 370 words into this post and I still haven't mentioned anything about the Sagebrush division. Well, there's a reason for that.
With the exception of Jergoff Passout, every team in the Sagebrush division lost this week. And that means the Cactus division finished 5-1 in the first week of inter-league play.
Folks, it wasn't even close. The average team score for the Cactus division was 126 points. For Sagebrush? 96.3 points. Moreover, the highest score in the Sagebrush division, Jergoff Passout, was 108 points. They actually played the only Cactus team they could've beaten. If you're in the Sagebrush division, you need to send a nice Christmas card to the good folks working in the scheduling department. You're extremely lucky they saved you from a 0-6 week.
The two teams that saw the most extreme drop in scoring output were Christian McMingle and Do Not Panic, although they might start to if the trend continues. McMingle dropped from 160 points in week 1 to just 96 points in week 2 while Panic fell 34 points from 140 to 106.
Granted those declines are alarming, perhaps the most worrisome signs of trouble in the Sagebrush division can be found when you look at Chief Sticky Balls and Badazz Bri. Oddly enough, Bri's 89 points in week 2 was actually a 17-point improvement, bringing their season average up to 80.5 pts/gm.
Chief Sticky Balls, on the other hand, is the defending Sagebrush champion. They were one of the highest scoring teams last season but, so far, they're only averaging 84 pts/gm. I'm not sure how to explain this disastrous start to the season but, fortunately, there's still plenty of time to course correct. Especially if inter-league play continues to be this challenging for the Sagebrush division as a whole.
DEFEAT THE COMMISH
If you thought my defeating 3 teams in week 1 was a fluke, well, think again. Am I surprised with the results of this contest? Meh, not in the fact that I've already eliminated half of the league, but more so in the fact that I thought you guys would put up more of a fight.
The reality is that, after looking at the remaining rosters, I'm not sure I can continue to win with such ease. I do think it'll be a little more difficult to eliminate those still left. Instead of closing this out in week 4, I might need to do so in week 5.
Here are the teams I defeated this week and the players I chose:
Los Perros Locos - DK Metcalf
Jergoff Passout - Kyler Murray
Who Is You - Davante Adams
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
If their 0-2 start and pitiful scoring wasn't depressing enough, Chief Sticky Balls certainly edged closer to rock-bottom after finding themselves eliminated from the Survivor Challenge this week. To the best of my knowledge, this is the earliest we've ever seen a defending divisional champion eliminated. On the bright side, maybe they'll do what Los Perros did after being eliminated: score more than double in the following week.
PIGSKIN PICK'EM
After two weeks of play, Christian McMingle and Who Is You are tied for top honors. Sitting with 22 correct picks, they've built a 3-game lead on Badazz Bri and Chief Sticky Balls who each have 19 correct picks. But all four of these teams need to keep up their pace because there are six team, count 'em, SIX, teams with 18 wins and only 4 games off the lead.
COMMISH'S PICKS
Alright, it's apparent to me that you guys don't know how this works. It's simple: I pick you to win, and you win. Got it?
My 1-5 record in week 2 leaves me at 3-9 on the season. Ouch. That's a .250 average for you mathematicians out there. Though this is one of the worst starts I've ever had, I feel like I'm going to turn it around in no time and be back above .500 after weeks 3 and 4.
Good luck in week 3!
-- Commish
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