SAGEBRUSH CACTUS LEAGUE
LINE: Consolation Kings -5
The last time the Kings played Bri, they escaped The Boone's Farm Drunk Tank with an 8-point victory, 88-80. But you could argue they were hungover after that game, losing their next 4 games. This week, the Kings will invite Bri into Subpar Stadium for a little hair-of-the-dog treatment in hopes they get back to their early season form as the playoff race heats up. With nothing left to lose, Bri's playbook will be an all-out offensive blitz with Dak Prescott leading the way. But don't take that the wrong way. Even on their best day Badazz Bri might only be capable of scoring 100 points. I don't expect the Kings to break their own scoring records, but I do think they finish the day around 110.
COMMISH'S PICK: Badazz Bri
LINE: Golden Tate Warriors -7
Top to bottom, the Warriors have one of the strongest rosters in the league. However, injuries and under-performing play from their stars has kept them in check this season. The exception is Christian McCaffrey who has been in a league of his own, averaging 22.0 pts/gm this season. My guess is that Watts' coaching staff realizes CMC is going to score, which means the defensive focus should be on slowing down the rest of the Warriors' starters. If they take that approach, I think they can hold the Warriors to less than 110 points this week. Should that happen, it's worth pointing out that Watts' average score over the past 5 weeks is 112.4, meaning they'll win by a few points.
COMMISH'S PICK: Digg-A-Watts
LINE: Jergoff Passout -19
Do Not Panic should be A Little Concerned.
COMMISH'S PICK: Jergoff Passout
LINE: NH Bounty Hunters -4
Reading the comments by You's ownership about their "underachieving roster", I have to say that I agree. On paper, Who Is You is littered with talent, but after 11 weeks and a 4-7 record, an argument could be made that a loss this week essentially removes them from postseason consideration. The good news is that they're heading into Slave One Stadium where they're undefeated. Granted, this is only their 2nd visit, but still. To date, the Hunters are a team that hasn't truly impressed me. Sure, they're very much alive in the playoff race, but they average only 94.4 pts/gm and they're 1-4 when their opponent scores 100 or more. Coincidentally, I believe Who Is You will do something they've only done 3 times this season: score more than 100 points.
COMMISH'S PICK: Who Is You
LINE: Baby Got Dak -4
After losing 3 straight in weeks 7 through 9, Baby Got Dak has won their last 2 contests and appears to have returned to their early season form. And if you're the Thundabuddies, that's worrisome. Last week, the Thundabuddies scored only 41 points - the lowest scoring among all SCL teams this season. To make matters worse, they were bitten by the injury bug pretty badly causing them to call up reserves from the practice squad. Does that mean Dak will walk away with an easy win? I don't think so. Though the Thundabuddies will struggle to put more than 100 points on the board, I think Dak might struggle too. Up and down their starting lineup, I see a host of injury designations and tough matchups that suggest they too might struggle to reach the century mark. Gimme the Thundabuddies in a stunning upset.
COMMISH'S PICK: Thundabuddies
LINE: Los Perros Locos -4
After losing their first 2 games this season, the Los Perros Locos made a bold move and shipped off Burrow and Ekeler for Josh Allen and Jahmyr Gibbs. At the time, it looked like desperation but, in hindsight, it looks like it was just what they needed. Since that trade, the Perros are 6-3 and their average score rose from 81.5 pts/gm to 122.4 pts/gm. But the dogs need to be on the lookout for oncoming traffic when the Pork Chop Express rolls into town this week. The Chops are clearly one of the better teams in the league and they're gunning for 1st place in the Cactus Division which means they should be at the top of their game. With Mahomes and Kelce looking to make a statement after last week, and the return of Kyren Williams, I have little reason to doubt the Chops ability to put up points this week. The Perros may be able to keep pace for a while but once the Pork Chop Express gets rolling, they're very tough to stop.
COMMISH'S PICK: Pork Chop Express
SCL SEGUNDO LEAGUE
LINE: Tallaassee Tator Tots -6
At first glance, it's odd to see the Tots pegged as the favorite in this contest. The Casualties lead the Tots by 2 games in the Yucca Division and they beat them by 14 points back in week 6. Plus, the Casualties have outscored the Tots in 7 of 11 weeks this season and the Tots are heading into hostile territory when they travel to The Killing Fields for this game. The only explanation is that bettors aren't looking beyond the past 2 weeks where the Tots are averaging 140.5 pts/gm, a score the Casualties have topped just once this season. I don't necessarily disagree. The Tots are fresh out of the oven and red hot right now. It's going to be a close contest, but I'll take the Tots in a high-scoring affair.
COMMISH'S PICK: Tallaassee Tator Tots
LINE: TJONES35 -6
The last time TJONES traveled to Protest Park they scored 154 points in a 30-point victory over the Runningbacks. The scary part is that this TJONES team is even better. Clearly the best team in the Segundo League, TJONES hasn't lost since their season-opener and they're the highest scoring team in the league. More impressive, they haven't scored less than 109 points in a game this season. For comparison, the Runningbacks have lost 6 straight with an average score of 106.2 pts/gm, almost 25 points less than the 131.0 pts/gm they averaged over the first 5 weeks when they were 4-1. I sincerely wish I could find something to help make the Runningbacks smile, but I fear their discontent will only grow when they fall this week and find their postseason plans hanging by a thread.
COMMISH'S PICK: TJONES35
LINE: Get In D Carr -8
You'd expect a close game between 2 teams fighting to keep their postseason hopes alive. But if their last meeting is any indication, this game could spell the end for Burrowito Bowl. In week 6, Carr handed Bowl a 32-point loss on the back of Raheem Mostert's 3 TD performance. But even if Bowl can somehow shut down Mostert this time, Carr has found new energy in rookie QB, Stroud, who should put up some quality results this week. Look for Stroud to find Allen and Olave often while Bowl tries to figure out how to get Foreman and Samuel more involved. I feel comfortable taking Carr, giving the points and sitting back to collect my payout.
COMMISH'S PICK: Get In D Carr
LINE: Ohio State Gunkeyes -22
I'd rather watch Catch Me If You Claus on the Hallmark Channel.
COMMISH'S PICK: Ohio State Gunkeyes
LINE: Belichicks Hoodie -14
Shiva Kaminis has yet to defeat Belichicks Hoodie in 3 tries. Could the 4th time be the charm? The bookies don't seem to think so as evidenced by the fact they're a 2 TD underdog. After hitting a rough patch of games in weeks 6-9 where they averaged just 75 pts/gm, Hoodie has doubled their average score to 150 pts/gm over the past 2. Kaminis, on the other hand, saw their playoffs dreams dashed after losing 8 of their last 9 games and they're now looking to spoil Thanksgiving for the matriarch. Kaminis has some talented players that could have nice games, but they'll still fall short of matching a Hoodie's team that I expect will score 120+ points.
COMMISH'S PICK: Belichicks Hoodie
LINE: Gotham Rogues -3
When these two squared off back in week 6, the Gotham Rogues were a very different team. Leading into that contest, the Rogues were 2-3 and averaged 97.6 pts/gm. Fast forward to this week where the Rogues have won 5 in a row while seeing their average score jump to 138.4 pts/gm over that span and it's clear Rock will have their hands full. In that previous meeting, Rock's defense was able to hold the Rogues to just 83 points, but don't expect that to happen this week. The Rogues have reinvented themselves to the point that Paku Nacua is the only starter remaining from that game. With a new, more potent, running game and the possible return of Justin Jefferson this week, the Rogues should be able to score somewhere around 130 points...which is about 5-8 points more than Jalenhouse Rock will score.
COMMISH'S PICK: Gotham Rogues
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