LINE: Chief Sticky Balls -28
Doing their best to capture the #1 playoff seed in the Sagebrush division, Chief Sticky Balls will look to take another step in that direction this week against a deflated Do Not Panic team. The trend lines for these two teams couldn't be more different. Over the last three weeks, the Balls have averaged 117 pts/gm compared to Panic's 80 pts/gm. The disparity in their ability to score is how you explain the Balls' 4-game winning streak and Panic's 4-game losing streak. If you were foolish enough to think Do Not Panic may be able to play the role of spoiler at Keep Calm arena, don't. Home has not been kind to them this season. In five home games, Do Not Panic has only managed a single win and their opponents are outscoring them by an average of 22.4 pts/gm. Oh, and Chief Sticky Balls is the second-best scoring team on the road this season with 118.4 pts/gm. Cover your eyes, kids, the big, bad Balls are coming and they're about to lay one down on Do Not Panic this week.
COMMISH'S PICK: Chief Sticky Balls
LINE: NH Bounty Hunters -18
Really?
COMMISH'S PICK: NH Bounty Hunters
LINE: Golden Tate Warriors -∞
Pfffft...please.
COMMISH'S PICK: Golden Tate Warriors
LINE: Who Is You -9
Does September 9, 2019 mean anything to you? That is the last time that Who Is You defeated Baby Got Dak - over two years ago. And that's actually more the rule than it is the exception. In 16 previous contests, Dak has left Who Is You questioning themselves 10 times. But few of those games have had as much on the line as this meeting does. The winner of this contest will take a major step towards securing the 3rd playoff seed in the Cactus division. If you've followed these teams lately, you might be wondering if either of them really wants it that bad. Who Is You has lost two straight despite scoring fewer than 10 pts/gm less than their season average. But Baby Got Dak will not be outdone, having lost three straight games with an average score of only 85.7 points. In fact, last week's 112-point showing was the first time that Dak has topped the 100-point mark in six weeks. I don't expect we're going to see an offensive showcase in this contest. Frankly, I'd be surprised if either scores more than 100 points. But, it will be a close game and since winning low-scoring games has been Dak's most valuable - if not only - strength this season, I'll give them a slight advantage in a defensive battle.
COMMISH'S PICK: Baby Got Dak
LINE: Jergoff Passout -22
After making it through the first seven weeks of the season without scoring less than 100 points, Jergoff Passout has posted three straight sub-100 games. That's probably the most likely explanation of why they find themselves in the situation of fighting off Christian McMingle for a playoff spot that looked all but guaranteed to them just a few weeks ago. There aren't too many places better to visit this season than the soothing and gentle confines of eHarmony field where opposing teams have scored an average of 122 pts/gm against McMingle. And if there's a wild-card that could require Passout to hit that level of scoring to win, it has to be the receiving corps of Christian McMingle. Something tells me that the ESPN projections are low and they could be in for a big day. That being said, I did find one more interesting fact in my research: Jergoff Passout has never lost a game to Christian McMingle. And while that's only true because they've never played each other, I just don't see them missing this opportunity to lock down a playoff spot.
COMMISH'S PICK: Jergoff Passout
LINE: Thundabuddies -1
There's a small part of me that's concerned this game might not live up to the hype. Think about it; two of the highest scoring teams sitting atop their division, fighting for the #1 playoff seed with just one more week left in the season, and a point-spread of only one point. There's sure to be a lot of eyeballs on this one. Regardless, in this marquee matchup, there are a few important factors to consider. First, this will be the first time the Thundabuddies have ever traveled to Little China and that might actually be a good thing. Although the Chops are 6-1 on the road this season, they're only 2-3 in their own backyard. Oh, and the Thundabuddies are 4-1 on the road with an average margin-of-victory of 36.7 points. They're not afraid to travel. Secondly, there's the issue of player availability. The Buddies will be without one of their top RBs, Aaron Jones, but Pork Chop Express will be resting the duo of Chubb & Hunt. And newly acquired Chuba Hubbard won't be available either since he's still clearing his team physical. But, the most important thing to consider in this game is that Pork Chop Express has never won a game in the same week as the 25th day of Kislev, a.k.a Hanukkah. Don't believe me? Look it up. OK, I might have just made that up...but if you bothered to look it up, let me know if I'm right. Truth be told, I'm eager to see a good contest between these two powerhouses, and if I have to pick a winner, I'd lean towards the Buddies.
COMMISH'S PICK: Thundabuddies
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