LINE: Who Is You -2
Just three short weeks ago, this meeting looked like it was going to be the MOTW between two division leaders. But some recent struggles for both teams has changed that. To be sure, this is still an intriguing contest between two very good teams. But, they've each lost two of their last three games and, aside from Passout's 135 points last week, their offenses have calmed a bit. For Jergoff Passout, the primary problem hasn't been scoring so much as it has been slowing down their opponents. Over the past three weeks, the Passout defense has allowed a whopping 408 points for an average of 136 pts/gm. And when your highest score of the season is 137 points, that's going to lead to a few losses. In fact, over the course of the season so far, Passout has allowed two more points than they've scored. On the other side of the field, Who Is You may want to consider filing a missing persons report. Although a sub-par Patrick Mahomes is still better than a lot of QBs, his 18.6 pts/gm over the past three weeks is far less than we've all come to expect from him. And now they're hosting a Passout team that is 3-0 on the road this season, and 2-0 in inter-league play. On the bright side of things, You is getting Ekeler and Lamb back this week, but I'm not sure that'll be enough to makeup for the drop-off in Mahomes' production.
COMMISH'S PICK: Jergoff Passout
LINE: NH Bounty Hunters -5
Looking to rebound from a series of unfortunate events last week, Do Not Panic will head into Slave I stadium to take on a Bounty Hunters team that will be without their best player, Lamar Jackson. In other good news for Panic, the Hunters have been a little soft on the defensive side of the ball this season, allowing a league-high 130.9 pts/gm and 126.6 pts/gm at home. But Panic has a few hurdles of their own to overcome. For starters, they'll be without Josh Jacobs, Darren Waller, and Daniel Carlson. Daniel who? Carlson, the kicker. Regardless, it also doesn't bode well for Panic that they've struggled on the road this season with a 1-4 record and an average score of 97.8 pts/gm. Add to that the fact that they're the lowest scoring team in the league over the past three weeks and they're 0-2 in inter-league play and you might begin to understand why the Hunters are favored. Combine all of that with their 5th place standing in the Sagebrush division as we near the half-way point in the season and it may actually be time to think about hitting that panic button.
COMMISH'S PICK: NH Bounty Hunters
LINE: Los Perros Locos -36
Oh, boy. I'm not even going to try to sugarcoat this game. You can shave their legs and dress them up however you want, but at the end of the day, Badazz Bri just doesn't have the firepower needed and they're without Davante Adams too. Oh, sure, Bri's one win this season was on the road, but that was after five tries. On the season, they're averaging only 95.2 pts/gm away from Drink 'Em If You Got 'Em stadium and they're 0-2 in inter-league play. In the 10 games these two have played in the past, Los Perros Locos is 8-2 and 3-0 at home, winning by an average of 126.7 to 75. That's a average margin of victory of nearly 52 points in favor of the dogs. Plus, the Perros are 2-0 against teams in the Shaved...er, Sagebrush division and they're the highest scoring team in inter-league play, scoring an average of 135.5 pts/gm in those contests. Take the Perros and parlay it with another game to increase your payout.
COMMISH'S PICK: Los Perros Locos
LINE: Baby Got Dak -14
Still battling through injuries at the RB position, Chief Sticky Balls will look to continue building on their 29-point victory over Christian McMingle last week. And, for them, hitting the road is a good place to do that. The Balls are 3-1 away from the Nether Region this season and they're getting ready to head into the Sans Prescott dome to face a Dak team that has lost three straight. Even better, the Balls boast a 5-1 all-time record and average 111 pts/gm when visiting Dak. For Baby Got Dak to win this game, they'll need more than just the Derrick Henry show. They'll need Robert Woods and Tyler Lockett to resolve their scoring inconsistencies and return to a level of output they're capable of. The lion's share of Dak's success against Sagebrush foes this season has been Henry, but in their week 2 contest against Do Not Panic, Lockett contributed 30 points. However, Lockett followed that up with a 2-point game against Badazz Bri in week 4. If Dak can find a way to get Woods and Lockett more involved, they could blow this game wide open. If not, could be close.
COMMISH'S PICK: Baby Got Dak
LINE: Pork Chop Express -17
Do you know what you get when you remove Russell Wilson, Nick Chubb, Kareem Hunt, and Adam Thielen from the Pork Chop Express lineup? You get 146 points. That's what the Chops scored last week without those players. Impressive to say the least. This week, the Chops will see Thielen and, possibly, Chubb back on the field and that spells trouble for Christian McMingle who are battling injuries of their own. Although McMingle will still be without McCaffrey and Michael Thomas, they're more than happy to welcome back Dak Prescott. And, they'll need him if they're going to keep pace with the red hot Chops. The Pork Chop Express have won three straight games, all against Cactus teams. Against Sagebrush teams this season, though, the Chops are 0-2. In their 3rd inter-league game, they'll host a McMingle team that has beaten them three times in four games while holding them to just 90.8 pts/gm. If - and I can't stress that enough - if McMingle can find a way to contain the Chops and hold them to less than 100 points, they could pull off the upset. Just don't bet on it.
COMMISH'S PICK: Pork Chop Express
LINE: Golden Tate Warriors -5
Here it is, folks: a Matchup of the Week that should live up to the hype. Number 1 versus number 2. With that dreadful week 7 bye behind them, the Golden Tate Warriors will take to the road for the final time this season with their starting QB, Josh Allen, and star RB, Najee Harris, in tow. The proud owners of a 5-1 record away from home this season, the Warriors have also won five straight and they're the highest scoring team over that span, with 127.6 pts/gm. But they'll be running into a Thundabuddies team that is the highest scoring team overall. Posting an average score of 124 pts/gm, the Buddies haven't scored below 105 points yet this season. To make things even more interesting in this contest, these two teams just completed a trade right before this game kicks off - literally! The Warriors sent Stefon Diggs and Tyler Higbee over to the Thundabuddies in exchange for Kyle Pitts and Tyler Boyd and I, for one, am very curious to see how these players do against their former teammates. If all of that wasn't enough to pique your interest, consider that these two teams are knotted up at 4 games apiece when playing at Flash Gordon Field. If the average margin of victory (2.3 points in favor of Thundabuddies) in those previous meetings tells us anything, it's that this will be a close game. In what I expect to be a scoring orgy, a "scorgy", I'll take Thundabuddies.
COMMISH'S PICK: Thundabuddies
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