SAGEBRUSH CACTUS LEAGUE
LINE: Los Perros Locos -2
The Perros are 0-2 against Passout and in their last visit to Shame Glaze Stadium, they lost 107-86. But these are completely different teams with only 4 total players remaining from that 2021 contest, Derrick Carr, Saints D/ST, Michael Pittman and Justin Jefferson. The Perros have been the top scoring team over the past 3 weeks - 131 pts/gm - while Jergoff Passout is on a 3-game winning streak and in the thick of a race for 1st place in the Sagebrush division. This one will be close. I gotta believe the stars will come out for Passout, lifting them over the 110 points they're projected to score...somewhere around 120 seems feasible to me. But look for the dogs to finish with 121 and sneak away with the win.
COMMISH'S PICK: Los Perros Locos
LINE: NH Bounty Hunters -8
By most measures this season, the Kings would appear to be the better team. They have more wins than the Hunters, they've averaged 15.6 pts/gm more over the last 3 weeks, and they have the luxury of hosting the game at Subpar Stadium. However, the Kings are a little banged up at the moment and they don't exactly have the best history against the Hunters. In 6 previous meetings hosted by the Kings, they're 2-4 against the Hunters and they've been outscored by an average 15.5 pts/gm. If you ask me, this matchup now looks even. I'm not ready to take the line on this one, but I will take the Hunters in a low-scoring contest.
COMMISH'S PICK: NH Bounty Hunters
LINE: Who Is You -18
Before you automatically assume You is the clear choice in this contest, you should know that though they've won their last 2 games, they haven't scored more than 100 points outside of their 152-point week 2 performance. They're vulnerable. And to make matters worse, they've struggled in their past visits to The Boone's Farm Drunk Tank, averaging only 61.7 pts/gm with an 0-3 record. Will Who Is You win by more than 2 TDs? Absolutely not. Badazz Bri should have a better than average week with a final score in the 100 to 105 range. But I also expect You to score more than they normally do. I can see Who Is You totaling around 110 and finally leaving the Tank without a hangover.
COMMISH'S PICK: Who Is You
LINE: Pork Chop Express -18
This one will not be pretty, folks. The Pork Chop Express should roll right through Composure Coliseum just like they did in 2021 when they last visited and won by 51 points.
COMMISH'S PICK: Pork Chop Express
LINE: Thundabuddies -14
There's good reason the Buddies are a 2 TD favorite heading into The Breaker Panel this weekend. Through 7 weeks, the Buddies are the 2nd highest scoring team in the league and Watts, well...they're the 3rd lowest scoring team despite posting their highest of the season last week, 113 points. In fact, last week was the first time Watts has scored more than the Buddies this year, and they only outscored them by 2 points. Several Thundabuddies players have favorable matchups this week but the same can't be said for Watts. In the end, Digg-A-Watts might score more than 100 points, but they lack the spark necessary to defeat a Thundabuddies team that should top 120 for the fourth time this season.
COMMISH'S PICK: Thundabuddies
LINE: Baby Got Dak -6
Should we be concerned Baby Got Dak scored only 53 points last week? No. They still average 124.0 pts/gm. Should we be concerned they're on the road against one of the best teams in the Sagebrush division, the Golden Tate Warriors? Again, no. In 7 previous visits to The Stadium That Shall Not Be Named, they're 4-3. What we are worried about is the fact that Dak is pretty thin at the RB position this week which could make it difficult to control the tempo of this game. With two premier starting RBs, the Warriors will certainly look to play keep away and with not much more than their passing attack available to them, Dak could struggle to keep their defense off the field. The time of possession and the game should go the way of the Warriors.
COMMISH'S PICK: Golden Tate Warriors
SCL SEGUNDO LEAGUE
LINE: Gotham Rogues -1
Like Batman, the Gotham Rogues are a team that doesn't seem to have a clear identity. Sometimes they show up, like they did in weeks 2,3, and 8, and score 120+ points. Other times, they're missing like they were in weeks 1, 4, 5, and 6, where they averaged only 77.3 pts/gm. Which one will we see this week: the superhero or the alter ego? If you ask me, I think we'll see the Rogues play well this week. And they're going to need every point they can muster against the Runningbacks, a team that is eager to get back to winning after losing 2 straight. With a pair of top RBs, the recipe for the Runningbacks is going to be pretty straight-forward: run the ball, run it some more, and then hand it off to a RB. With the Runningbacks expected to lean on their ground game, the Rogues will need to be sure to put Burrow and WRs in a position to score every time they get the ball. The Runningbacks have yet to lose to a team from the Cholla division, but I expect that changes this week.
COMMISH'S PICK: Gotham Rogues
LINE: Tallaassee Tator Tots -8
I can't believe I'm about to write this in week 8 but, each week, the Parlays are inching closer to earning their first victory of the season. Whereas they averaged only 78 pts/gm over their first 5 games, the Parlays have improved to 106 pt/gm over their last 2. And while that marks a significant improvement, it's still far short of the 116.3 pts/gm the Tots have averaged this season. I like the Parlays to continue on their path of improvement and possibly score 120 points this week. But will they be able to do anything like what they did in week 4 of last season when they defeated the Tots 141-109? Certainly not. In fact, I hear the Tots head coach has that box score tacked up on his office wall, so if you think they forgot about it, think again. Take the Tots and give the points.
COMMISH'S PICK: Tallaassee Tator Tots
LINE: Get In D Carr -16
I'm beginning to wonder if Shiva Kaminis forgot how to play this game. After beginning the season 2-0, they've lost their last 5 games and are now at risk of an early exit from the playoff race. Perhaps a trip to Rideshare Arena to face Get In D Carr is exactly what they need. Carr has struggled off and on this season and, between injuries and players out on bye, my gut tells me this week will likely go down in the off column. Though Carr has the talent to beat an under-performing Kaminis team, I'm willing to bet Kaminis' coaching staff has done their part to prepare for this contest and get back on the winning track.
COMMISH'S PICK: Shiva Kaminis
LINE: Ohio State Gunkeyes -10
The Gunkeyes will take their blurred vision down to The Killing Fields this week to take on a MaxxCasualties team that hasn't lost since week 2 and has averaged more than any other team over the past 3 weeks, 133.3 pts/gm. The Gunkeyes will lean on their superstars, Lamar Jackson and Christian McCaffrey, and hope their supporting cast can deliver enough to get them in a position to win. The Casualties may not set any scoring records this week, but they're 4-0 against Cholla division opponents so, clearly, they know how to get the job done. This contest should be a fun one to track, but I don't see the Gunkeyes winning.
COMMISH'S PICK: MaxxCasualties
LINE: Burrowito Bowl -3
Belichicks Hoodie had their sleeves torn off when they traveled to Guac Is Extra Stadium last season and lost by 40 points, 156-116. And if they can't do much better than the 65 points they scored last week, we may see a repeat. Which is why I'm a little surprised to see the line is so low on this game. There isn't much for me to get excited about on Hoodie's roster this week. Their QB is still working through injury, their WRs seem frustrated, and their D/ST has a tough matchup. On the other sideline, Bowl has averaged 15.0 pts/gm more than Hoodie over the last 3 weeks and I suspect their staff has them ready to get off their current 2-game losing streak. I'll have the Burrowito Bowl, please.
COMMISH'S PICK: Burrowito Bowl
LINE: TJONES35 -8
When these two squared off in the final week of last season, we were treated to a defensive battle. Neither team reached their projected total and both finished shy of 100 points, with TJONES taking the victory, 99-89. Both teams feature revamped offenses this season and it looks like it's paying off - Jalenhouse Rock is the #1 scoring team and TJONES35 is the #2 scoring team - as neither team has scored less than 102 points this season. Get your popcorn ready and follow along as Hurts and Mahomes should both put on a show this week. In the end, I like Mahomes' receiving corps slightly better than Hurts' running game.
COMMISH'S PICK: TJONES35
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