No, I'm not asking you to help me understand the meaning of life and our existence. I already know you all too well to know that you most certainly have no insights.
Albert Einstein posited the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Perhaps that explains why I'm here, again, writing a post to kickoff the fantasy football season with you clowns hopeful this is the year you finally impress me with your cunning and strategy. Or, better yet, maybe it explains why are you're here hoping this is the year you finally impress us with your cunning and strategy.
It seems logical to assume hope is the reason you return each year. Prior to the draft, each of you are optimistic creatures filled with energy and excitement at the opportunity to finally prove your fantasy football prowess. This is it. This will be your year.
But by the end of the season, enthusiasm and light are replaced with pleas for mercy: "sweet Jesus, make it stop." Yes, you blew it. Again.
"I shouldn't have kept that kicker."
"Starting two players that were on bye was probably a bad idea."
"I knew it was a bad idea to draft that retired player that had just signed a broadcasting contract with a major TV network."
Yes, those things really happened.
I know what you're thinking: "Wait a minute, oh wise and venerated Commish. What about those owners that make the playoffs? Surely they're still filled with positive energy, right?"
Nope.
For those that manage to make the playoffs, feelings of embarassment and defeat are instead anxiety, stress, and trepidation. Seriously, they're not much fun to be around. All they do is overthink and obsess over every lineup decision. And that's just on the Tuesday before their big game. It gets worse as the week progresses.
So, why are we here? The truth is that I have no earthly idea. Like that age-old question that has puzzled philosophers throughout time, the truth might never be revealed to us.
Nevertheless, since we're all here, let's get down to business.
THE DRAFT
We either do things the right way or not at all in this league. Hence, our drafts are always conducted using the auction format because snake drafts are for rubes that don't know what they're doing. Here's what you need to know:
Sagebrush Cactus League Draft: Wednesday, August 30 at 7:00PM PDT
Segundo League Draft: Tuesday, August 29 at 7:00PM PDT
Budget: $200 (Less keeper costs)
KEEPERS
The first thing you need to know about keepers is the deadline for making your selections.
Sagebrush Cactus League Keeper Deadline: Monday, August 28 at 12:00PM PDT
Segundo League Keeper Deadline: Sunday, August 27 at 6:00PM PDT
Secondly, you can keep up to two players that were on your roster at the end of last season. If you want to keep both D/ST units that helped you earn 10th place for $23 each, you go right ahead. But, you cannot go out and acquire a new player to keep.
When you log into your team, you should see a keeper price for each player but beware, there are some potential taxes you should factor in.
To calculate whether a Keeper Tax applies to your player, you'll need to know their Positional Rank (PRK) from last season by clicking on the player and bringing up their stats and details. This is straight-forward in ESPN but in Sleeper, you'll want to be sure you're looking at the rank for their specific position, not the Overall rank. Additionally, be sure to use the STD rank, not the PPR rank.
For quick reference, here's the Keeper Tax table:
Positional Rank 1-5: add $10
Positional Rank 6-10: add $7
Positional Rank 11-15: add $5
Positional Rank 16+: no additional tax
What's that? Oh, you want me to explain the Keeper Tax a little more? Sure thing, come along. *takes my hand*
Let's say you had Tom Brady last year and his keeper price for this season is $20. Last year wasn't Tom's best season - and I think he regresses again this year - but he still finished with a PRK of #9. Using the list above, you would simply add $7 to his $20 keeper price and, voila, you can keep Tom for $27 this season.
Please note, the taxes are assessed after the keeper deadlines. I have to apply them manually and there's no way I can adjust them for every player on every roster throughout both leagues.
Also, nothing is free in this league except mental anguish and suffering. If you see a price of $0 for a player, their starting price will be $1 plus any applicable tax.
WAIVERS
I'm going to say this once...and then I'm going to repeat it about five times during the season when one of you blows it:
All waiver acquisitions are made with REAL money.
One more time for the folks in the back of the room:
ALL. WAIVER. ACQUISITIONS. ARE. MADE. WITH. REAL. MONEY.
*Ohio State Gunkeyes raises hand*
"Wait. So the money we spend for waiver claims throughout the entire season is actually real money and you're going to collect it from us at the end?"
Yes, exactly.
If you decide to bid $95 for a player in week 5, you will be responsible for contributing $95 to the Waiver Revenue pool at the end of the season. Of course, you don't have to pay for a player if you don't want to. If you choose, you can submit a bid of $0 for a player or wait for waivers to clear and then acquire that player as a free agent.
*Ohio State Gunkeyes raises hand again*
"What happens with all of the money contributed to the Waiver Revenue pool?"
Great question.
Assuming I have no unpaid gambling debts, the waiver revenue for each league will be divvied up among the top three finishers at the end of the season.
*Ohio State Gunkeyes raises hand a 3rd time*
Put your hand down.
*slowly lowers hand*
One more thing I should point out is that any money you have leftover after the draft will be available as a credit to use towards waiver claims. For example, if you finish the draft with $139 left from your $200 draft budget, you can use that $139 towards waiver claims before you have to take money out of your own pocket. It also means you're probably not going to be happy with the team you drafted, but I digress.
CHALLENGES & CONTESTS
Because most of you are terrible at fantasy football, we offer a variety of additional contests and challenges throughout the season. Don't you worry. When your team is 2-7 after nine weeks, you'll still have a chance to win something! Think of them like participation trophies.
Here's a list of our events:
Survivor Challenge
Eliminator Challenge
Pigskin Pick'Em Challenge
Golden Ticket Challenge
New Game: Pro Bowl
I'll post the details of each event a little later on with any and all relevant information.
PRIZE SCHEDULE
If you can manage not to blow it this season, you may find yourself with an opportunity to win something. "Rod, tell 'em what they can win!"
First Place: SCL $900, Segundo $500
Second Place: SCL $500, Segundo $250
Third Place: SCL $250, Segundo $150
Consolation Winner: SCL $150, Segundo $75
Weekly High Score: SCL $15, Segundo $10
Weekly High Score - Loss: SCL $10, Segundo $5
Weekly Low Score - Win: SCL $10, Segundo $5
Survivor Challenge: SCL $150, Segundo $75
Eliminator Challenge: $50
Pigskin Pick'Em: 1st place $150, 2nd place $75
Golden Ticket Challenge: 1st place $150, 2nd place $75
Pro Bowl: $20 per team in the winning league
Sorry, no new cars or Hawaiian vacations, but there's a lot of cheddar up for grabs.
LEAGUE FEES
Surely, after reading about all this fantasy goodness, you're probably wondering what this league will cost you. $9000? $5000? $1200?
No.
For less than the cost of 113 Starbucks coffees, you too can experience all of the misery and disappointment of barely missing out on winning a prize. For the low, low price of just $250 for the Sagebrush Cactus League or $150 for the Segundo League you'll have the opportunity to make poor choices throughout the entire NFL season.
I know, right?!? It sounds too good to be true, but it is!
Good luck this season!
-- Commish
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