Of the 2024 SCL Draft, the Fat Cats select Younghoe Koo. Wait. What? A kicker?!?
That's right, folks, the Cats took a K with the first pick of the draft and it was a very wise choice, if I do say so myself. If you've spent any time in this league, you know I strongly recommend building your team around a quality foot.
That's the beauty of auction drafts, you never know what's going to happen. In a snake draft, anyone can easily predict the first pick. Hell, they could probably predict the entire first round without too much research. Not so in an auction draft where any team can have any player at any time.
But acquiring Koo for $1 wasn't the only excitement of the evening. To uncover some of the more interesting moments of draft night let's turn to our newest staff member, sideline reporter, Snap Sutherland:
DRAFTSERVATIONS
By Snap Sutherland
This year's Sagebrush Cactus League draft was nothing short of a spectacle. In a 16-team league, the competition was fiercer than ever, and the bidding wars were as intense as a the final round of the Naki Sumo Baby Crying Contest. Every owner was out to snag the best deal, and it seemed like everyone had the same genius idea: sneak a kicker in for cheap. The strategy was so popular that it turned into a game of cat and mouse, with owners trying to outwit each other, only to find that they were all chasing the same elusive bargain. By the end of the draft, it became clear that the only thing more coveted than a top-tier wide receiver was a decent kicker at a discount.
Speaking of wide receivers, Marvin Harrison Jr. was the star of the show. His name lit up the draft board like a Wall Street ticker during a market crash. Once he was nominated, the bids flew faster than you could refresh the page. It was as if everyone was trying to own a piece of what might just be the next big thing. The frenzy around him made the draft feel less like a football event and more like the Casino Night fundraiser at Peter Pan Preschool & Daycare, with every owner frantically hoping to make the winning bid.
The sheer size of the league meant that every skill level and position had its own mini-bidding war. It didn’t matter if you were after a top-tier quarterback or a backup tight end—there was always at least one other team that desperately needed the same player you did. The result? Owners constantly found themselves either overbidding out of desperation or being stuck with players they didn’t actually want, all in a bid to push up the price. More than a few teams walked away with rosters that looked nothing like the carefully crafted plans they’d entered with.
And then there was Badazz Bri, who somehow managed to outmaneuver everyone while drafting from his Winnebago somewhere in Nebraska. Whether it was the fresh air or the mobile strategy, Bri absolutely crushed it, putting together a team that had everyone else wondering if they should hit the road for next year’s draft. His performance was the stuff of legends, proving once again that where you draft might just be as important as who you draft.
After three grueling hours, the draft finally came to a close, leaving most owners staring at their screens, wondering what just happened. Strategies had been blown apart, sleeper picks had been snatched up too early, and the bidding wars had left everyone a little battle-weary. In the end, most teams didn’t remotely resemble the plans their owners had started with, but that’s the beauty of fantasy football—no matter how prepared you are, the draft always finds a way to surprise you.
Thanks, Snap. And I appreciate the mention of my alma mater where, I'm proud to say, I once received a gold star for sharing.
But let's be honest, you're not reading this post to learn about a few draft deals and struggles. No, you have one thing on your mind - the same thing everyone has been asking about since the draft ended: "Commish, how did I do? Did I draft a winning team?"
Without further delay, here is this year's SCL Draft Report Card.
Before you get yourself all worked up about your grade and send me a nasty-gram explaining why it's wrong and your starting QB is sure to sign with an NFL team any day now, please understand these are not based on my opinion of your team.
OK, maybe they are. But there's also some math involved. And an old roulette wheel I borrowed from the El Cap since they're not using it. And I may, or may not, have consulted with a "numbers guy" who used to work for Enron.
Regardless, they are what they are and your performance throughout the season will determine their accuracy. Prove me wrong or prove me right, it's up to you.
Good luck this season!
Commish
P.S. - Don't forget to send me at least two interesting facts, insights, or observations about your matchup by Tuesday morning. To be clear, I'm not looking for game previews. I'm looking for post-game info so I know you've taken the time to "think about what you've done."
GOLDEN TICKET CHALLENGE
It took more than a few tries for some of you to submit a roster that didn't violate the rules. I prefer to think that's because you like to push the limits to see what you can get away with as opposed to the idea that some of you struggle with reading.
COMMISH'S PICKS
We're gonna switch it up this season. Instead of a write up for every game, I'm going to highlight one game you must follow and another that might present a good opportunity to go pick up the dog crap in the backyard.
ONE TO WATCH
Badazz Bri -vs- Pork Chop Express
LINE: Badazz Bri -8
Buckle up for the season opener between Badazz Bri and Pork Chop Express, and if you think you know how this one’s going to play out, think again. Sure, Bri is favored by 8 points, but before you put your money down, let’s take a stroll down memory lane. Historically, Bri has been as reliable on the road as a 1970s Pinto on a cross-country trip - lots of noise, plenty of smoke, and you’re just waiting for the inevitable breakdown.
Meanwhile, Pork Chop Express isn’t just any team - they’re the reigning champs, and that title doesn’t come without some serious firepower. These boys didn’t win last year by sheer luck; they know how to handle their business, especially when the odds are stacked against them. Both teams drafted well this year, I’ll give them that, but that's only a small part of a successful season. I'd have to give Badazz Bri a slight draft advantage, but we’ve all seen how that plays out when the whistle blows.
I can't imagine the defending champs take too kindly to opening their season in Little China as the underdog, especially against a team with a shaky history. This one’s going to be closer than the 8-point spread suggests, and if Bri’s boys don’t come ready to play, they might find themselves derailed by the end of the weekend. But if Bri's staff can keep the team away from the liquor cabinet until the game ends, there's a chance they could start the season with a victory for the first time in 6 years.
COMMISH'S PICK: Badazz Bri
ONE TO FORGET
Golden Tate Warriors -vs- Who Is You
LINE: Who Is You -9
This matchup might look competitive on paper, but don't kid yourself - this one’s shaping up to be a good old-fashioned blowout. Who Is You enters as a 9-point favorite, and that’s being generous to the Warriors. History doesn’t just favor Who Is You; it downright bullies the Golden Tate Warriors, who have managed to win just 4 of their 14 regular-season games against this You through the years. If you’re a betting man, you’d be wise to put your money on Who Is You and forget you ever considered the alternative.
Both teams appear evenly matched at running back and wide receiver, but that’s where the similarities end. You’s QB, Murray will outplay Purdy this week, and don’t get me started on the TEs and D/STs. The Warriors might keep it close for a quarter or two, but as the game drags on, Who Is You will pull ahead, leaning on their superior talent at those critical positions. By the time the final whistle blows at What Are I Field (brought to you by LifeLock - because even your fantasy team’s identity is safer than the Warriors this week), this one’s likely to be a lopsided affair.
Sure, the Golden Tate Warriors have heart, and sure, they’ve pulled off a few surprises over the years, but this isn’t going to be one of them. If you’re tuning in for a nail-biter, look elsewhere. This game is about as predictable as they come, and unless the Warriors can summon some kind of fantasy football miracle, they’ll be limping back home wondering who they are.
COMMISH'S PICK: Who Is You
POWER RANKINGS
The preseason Power Rankings are out and as expected, they don't differ much from the Draft Report Card. The Consolation Kings and Badazz Bri open the season as favorites while Baby Got Dak, Cerebral Ballsy, and Los Perros Locos have a lot of work to do.
TEAM PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Since our webmasters were foolish enough to give me an AI image generator tool this season, we'll prompt it with a different team name each week and see what kind of visual goodness it delivers. To make it more interesting, I'm not going to tell you which team it is - post your best guess on Group Me.
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